Please Don’t Body Shame James Harden For Rocking An Offseason Dad Bod

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As a 30 year old man whose dreams of athletic prowess have dissolved into a pint of craft beer, I am fully aware of just how detrimental to the body an undisciplined workout regime and a shitty diet can be. When I blew out the candles on my 30th birthday, I blew out the last flickering light of a functioning metabolism. And that cake? It’s still clinging to my ribcage like Rose from the Titanic clinging to a wooden door in the Atlantic while Leo freezes to death feet away.

Point being, I am in no position to judge anyone for their body’s aesthetic attributes. That would be like the KKK judging me for wearing white after Labor Day.

With that said, holy shit look at NBA MVP James Harden looking like that guy at the YMCA who plays ball in low-tops, brings his own gallon water jug, and smells like Newports.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BmPKPFdBTBw/?utm_source=ig_embed

This should be inspiration to anyone out there who eats pizza rolls for breakfast. Anyone who brushes their teeth and washes it down with Surge. Anyone who wears a t-shirt in the pool. You too can secure a $228 contract extension in the NBA and win MVP. Hell, you can even date a Kardashian if that’s your thing. All this without even playing a lick of defense or wearing two socks.

Not a bad deal.

 

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.