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Among the plethora of negatives of growing old–wrinkles, saggy skin, loss of bowel function–there awaits a few liberties that society does not offer to the young. After the age of 65, you can basically say and do anything under the guise of being senile. You don’t have a boss to report to or parental figures to disappoint. You can figuratively just grip it and rip it, and if you’re eight-time USGA champion JoAnne “Big Mama” Carner, you can quite literally grip it and rip it.
The 79-year-old, who won 41 LPGA events and is a member of the World Golf Hall of Fame, shot her age (79) in the first round of the inaugural U.S. Women’s Senior Open. And the two-time US Open winner did so in dramatic fashion, by birdieing the iconic 18th hole at Chicago Golf Club.
Somewhere in a dimly lit dive bar, John Daly just put down his tall boy and fell in love…
All in on JoAnne “Big Mama” Carner. Shot her age yesterday, would be remarkable if she made the cut at age 79 pic.twitter.com/CYbt0Pgn2H
— Fried Egg Golf (@fried_egg_golf) July 13, 2018
Before Thursday’s round, Carner said she hadn’t walked a course since 2004. She came off the range with a cigarette in her mouth and a few hours later strolled up to no. 18 with no cart needing a birdie to shoot her age. Carner displayed what can only be classified as what the youths call Big Dick Energy.
“Everyone was telling me to save my energy and just play nine, but I wanted to lose some of this weight I put on,” she said.
JoAnne Carner, 79 years young, 7 AM on the 1st tee at Chicago Golf Club, ripping a heater, throws it on the ground, and stripes her drive on the way to shooting her age. Come on. Nothing in 2018 will top that.
— Roberto Castro (@cicioCASTRO) July 12, 2018
Here's a Big Mama beauty. #USSeniorWomensOpen pic.twitter.com/JXemtYYO4K
— Beth Ann Nichols (@GolfweekNichols) July 12, 2018
Carner finished 6-over-par at Chicago Golf Club, which is remarkable considering she began her round with four straight bogeys, and added a triple bogey 7 on No. 9 after hitting into the water. She played the back played the back nine in 1-under-par 36 with three birdies.
When a reporter asked Carner if she prepared for this championship physically by hitting the gym, she laughed and replied, “Do I look like I hit the gym? No.”
Same, Big Mama, same.
If Carner ends up making the cut, it will be up there in sports accomplishments with Dock Ellis throwing a no hitter on LSD. Simply otherworldly.