I think it’s safe to say after the plane crash of a season the Knicks had in 2014, fans (the ones who haven’t committed suicide, of course) are most definitely looking for a roster overhaul. Escaping the worst record in the league by a narrow one game margin (thanks, Minnesota!) at a pathetic 17-65 and being flat-out uninspired and unwatchable, the Knicks’ front office should be listening to advice wherever it’s coming from. Including a jilted Knicks fan at the end of his rope who posted a Craigslist ad under the names Jim, Phil, and Steve with a proposition for the NBA Draft this Thursday night.
His request is simple and reasonable: give the boot to some of their existing players but also acquire heady veterans who know what a triangle is.
For those of you who are visually-impaired, the ad reads:
Are you excited for the NBA Draft this Thursday night?
There are so many good young players you probably want on your team but you just might not have the assets to get them……sound familiar? Well guess what? We’ve got the fourth pick and I’m looking to deal!
Let me tell you a little bit about the fourth pick:
-It comes after the first three picks.
-It’s right before the fifth pick.
-You can choose any of the eligible players who weren’t already selected.
-Previous NBA studs that went fourth overall include Russell Westbrook, Chris Paul, Drew Gooden, Marcus Fizer, and NBA Champion Eddy Curry!
Please contact me with serious offers only. Right now we’re looking to unload an unnamed aging Spanish point guard (for privacy reasons specific details must be kept confidential) as an attachment to this pick. If you’ve seen our history working together as a group, you know that we don’t mind getting the worse end of the deal if you’re willing to take the players we no longer want. In addition, we are trying to add a few aging veterans who are familiar with basic shapes like squares and triangles (though we’re lenient on squares knowledge at this point).
If this is something that interests you, please reply in e-mail with contact info and offers. All texts will be ignored.
We look forward to hearing from you!
Jim, Phil, and Steve.
4 Pennsylvania Plaza
New York, NY 10001
Or you can just keep doing you, Knicks.
[H/T For The Win]