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Marv Albert: Well folks, we’ve got a good one for you tonight. It’s the Los Angeles Lakers against the New York Knicks. Two storied franchises squaring off here in the world’s most famous arena—Madison Square Garden. I remember watching these two teams play each other with my father. The games were so intense that I’d put a wooden spoon between my teeth so as not to bite down in excitement. Unfortunately, I lost that spoon.
Reggie Miller: You sure did Marv. Good evening, NBA fans. I’m Reggie Miller, and tonight, it’s the father-son matchup we’ve all been waiting for. LeBron versus LeBron James Junior… Bronbron versus Bronny… Vader versus Skywalker… God versus Jesus… Martin versus Charlie Sheen…
Marv: Those are some great examples of fathers and sons, Reggie. And sometimes, they face each other on the basketball court.
Reggie: Actually Marv, this is the first time in NBA history that we’ve seen this.
Marv: That can’t be right. But the players are taking the court. Here comes LeBron, and there’s his 18-year-old son Bronny. They hug, and now LeBron wets his thumb and wipes a smudge of what looks like shaving cream off Bronny’s cheek.
Reggie: That’s not shaving cream.
Marv: It could be. Who can say.
Reggie: As we get set for the tip here, it’s incredible to think that LeBron was able to hold on long enough to play with his son.
Marv: Well, it’s not that crazy. LeBron is now 40, and Bronny is 20, which means that Bronny was born when LeBron was only… sixteen? Goodness, he was a young father.
Reggie: Actually, it’s an age gap of twenty years.
Marv: Thank you Reggie, an age gap of sixteen years.
Reggie: That was your first guess.
Marv: My first?
Reggie: Yes.
Marv: My first what?
Reggie: Guess.
Marv: What do you want me to guess?
Reggie: No. At first you guessed they were sixteen years apart. And then you said it again.
Marv: What are we talking about?
Reggie: The age gap.
Marv: I’m more of a thigh gap guy myself. I believe they call it a Cranst—
Reggie: And here comes the tipoff!
Marv: The Lakers control. LeBron brings it up the court, and already, Bronny steps to guard his father. LeBron eyes him down, makes a move, and scores. Le-Bron James with the move!
Reggie: Oh. My. Goodness.
Marv: Now here comes Bronny. LeBron smacks the floor with both hands, waves his teammates away. Look at this! Bronny dribbles right, cuts back to the left and… there goes LeBron, toppling over, his ankles broken! Bronny James from WAY downtown… YES!
Reggie: Oh. My. Goodness.
Marv: And now LeBron calls timeout, only 34 seconds into the game with the Knicks up 3-2. I wonder what this is about. Plenty more from Madison Square Garden after these messages.
Seven-minute commercial break
Marv: Welcome back to Knicks-Lakers. During the timeout, something interesting happened. Let’s listen in.
NBA Mic’d Up graphic flashes. Camera pans in on LeBron walking to Knicks bench, grabbing his son by the arm.
LeBron: We need to talk.
Bronny: Dad what are you doing?
LeBron: Get over here, now.
Bronny: You’re embarrassing me in front of my friends!
LeBron: YOU’RE embarrassing ME in front of MY friends!!
Bronny: You don’t have friends! Everyone just acts nice around you because they’re afraid of you!
LeBron: What—what are you saying?
Bronny: Kawhi texted me an invite to his birthday but said not to tell you. Giannis said you’re over LeBrink, and we ALL laughed. That dude barely speaks English! It’s over, dad.
LeBron: I gave you EVERYTHING. You are my SEED. Respect your father.
Bronny: Don’t guard me then! I’m out here breaking your ankles like they’re made of crap. Your ankles are dogshit.
LeBron turns away, shaking his head, looking up at the banners, laughing a totally fake laugh.
LeBron: Do you remember on your fifth birthday, when I gave you your first basketball hoop?
Bronny: Hmm.
LeBron: What’s that?
Bronny: YES, I remember.
LeBron: I taught you everything you know. And now you’re going to humiliate me—your father.
Bronny: I’m sorry dad. Maybe you should retire.
LeBron: Maybe YOU should retire.
Bronny: I’m a rookie.
LeBron: Yeah… for now… we’ll see.
Bronny: Yeah we’ll see.
LeBron: WE’LL SEE.
A whistle blows and the timeout ends.
Marv: Wow. Reggie, what do you make of that?
Reggie: Clearly a family squabble! I’m surprised that Bronny had the gumption to stand up to his father like that.
Marv: Yes, that was fantastic. We may never see anything like that again.
Reggie: Right.
Marv: Did you ever talk back to your father?
Reggie: I didn’t, but Cheryl did.
Marv: Who’s Cheryl?
Reggie: My sister. You know that.
Marv: How old is she?
Reggie: Now back to the game!