LeBron James’ Hairline Is A Microcosm For The Frailty Of The Human Condition

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There may be no bigger microcosm for the frailty of the human condition than whatever is going on atop LeBron James’ head. It is starting to look like someone passed gas on the dance floor.

Here’s a newly-minted billionaire with superhuman genes whose follicle situation is impeding on Adam Silver territory and society can do absolutely nothing for him. If Jeff Bezos can ride a flesh rocket into a space-ish, we should be able to figure out how to immortalize hair. If Khloe Kardashian can change her face every six months to the point where her iPhone security doesn’t recognize her, why has LeBron donated his combs Locks of Love China.

If LeBron James can win Sasha Kaun an NBA title in his only season in the league, why is his hairdresser Banksy?

Every time I see LeBron James play basketball I am reminded that the human body is capable of marvelous things. It’s only when I catch a glimpse of his dome when I ponder the real possibility of our extinction.

The End is a heavy concept for most of us, which is why we all believe to varying degrees that we’ll be the one to cheat death and why a balding LeBron James is not the representation we want to show our kids.



I can’t remember why I thought it was a good idea to write this. Total waste of your time. Whatever. It’s not like time is scarce.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.