Fans Banned From Attending NCAA Division III Tournament At Johns Hopkins As Maryland Governor Declares State Of Emergency

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Until further notice, I am that Not Scared About Coronavirus Guy.

I’m the guy who reminds you that cracks in sidewalks have killed more people this year than this “””disease.””” The guy who doesn’t even wear sandals in locker room showers. The guy who’s sure his immune system can prevail even though his hangovers now last four days and his ankle still clicks from co-ed basketball league.

So join me in shaming these wannabe Ivy League PANSIES!

Johns Hopkins University is pleased to be hosting the first two rounds of the NCAA Division III men’s basketball tournament this weekend.  However, in light of Maryland’s recently confirmed cases of COVID-19, and based on CDC guidance for large gatherings, we have determined that it is prudent to hold this tournament without spectators.

The decision was made after Maryland Governor Larry Hogan announced East Baltimore had three confirmed cases of COVID-19 and declared a state of emergency.

According to the Baltimore Sun, the decision was made late Thursday night, less than 24 hours before Yeshiva (27-1) and Worcester Polytechnic Institute (20-7) meet at 1 p.m.

Coach Elliot Steinmetz said the DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel canceled the team’s reservation after learning a student at the Orthodox Jewish university has tested positive for coronavirus. The student is not on the basketball team.

Not Scared About Coronavirus Guys Assemble!

If we die, at least we’ll go out not being little bitches about it.

P.S. The NCAA has no problem canceling Division III games, but we’ll see how they act when the D-I games roll around and their bottom line gets hit. Every spectator going to get a Chernobyl jumpsuit.


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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.