Week 16 gave us the gift of Christmas falling on a weekend, so we were treated to a Friday-Saturday-Sunday blitz of NFL couch time. There was no Thursday night game though, and that’s mostly because everyone was far too busy observing the Festivus holiday. But wow, where do we even begin? We can start with Alvin Kamara’s historic six TDs, continue with a Niners win that kicked the door wide open for the Bears, truck on with a hilarious Raiders meltdown for the ages, and finish off with the Jets screwing the Browns, the Colts screwing themselves, and the Falcons staunchly refusing to stray from their powerful choke job brand.
— Miami Dolphins (@MiamiDolphins) December 27, 2020
Ryan Fitzpatrick and Dolphins kicker Jason Sanders were the heroes that kept the team’s playoff hopes alive in a truly wild win. But an important question remains: Does Jason Sanders choose to shave strictly above his forearms or does he use rubber cement to affix Chewbacca-like hair to his forearms? Leaning towards the latter but will need confirmation.
— Jeff Nowak (@Jeff_Nowak) December 26, 2020
In reaction to this Sean Payton celebration dance, Cam Jordan reportedly said, “You can’t tell me he wasn’t in the mirror, in the crib working on that. Because he hit that.” Sean Payton probably gets to his secret film study hub at 4am every day including holidays, so none of this should surprise anyone.
Packers offensive coordinator Nathaniel Hackett hilariously showing up to the game in an Austin Powers in Goldmember hoodie should’ve given every gambler the confidence to lay down money on the Packers in every which way possible. This is the telltale sign of a happy team. So, anyone care for a flapjack and a cigarette?
While you mull that question over, it’s time to get down to business. So whether it was fire, fierce, funny or fail, please go ahead and do a timeless Nestea plunge into some well-deserved mockery.
T. Y. Hilton
Fully aware this is a Versace puffer that many believe is either “dope AF” or “straight flaaaames, bruh” but I don’t care. T.Y. Hilton looks like he took a ridiculously cozy comforter off some nice Italian grandmother’s bed and had someone add a hood and a zipper in order to adjust to the Pittsburgh weather. Rude and inconsiderate!
— Mike Reiss (@MikeReiss) December 28, 2020
Based on his performance — 5/10 for 34 yards!?! — this might be the last time we see Cam Newton, at least with the Patriots. What’s great though is how the tweet is cropping within the post here in that it stops just before things go off the rails. The tightly rolled up jeans paired with short leather boots is a disaster. The jacket, however, is electric. And I mean that.
Cam Newton: “It's extremely frustrating, knowing what you're capable of, having belief in yourself. It’s just not showing when it counts the most.” pic.twitter.com/lKkbV5075L
— Mike Reiss (@MikeReiss) December 29, 2020
Sacrificing warmth in an effort to look your best stylish self is in fact, a very selfless act, much like being willing to live in Buffalo for the sake of winning. And the Bills just keep winning.
Can’t ever go wrong with a Kobe-Nipsey Hussle hoodie. That’s just an awesome looking graphic and it’s somehow only $60.
Patrick Mahomes thankfully returned to the Macho Man shades and despite not having a great game, of course he threw a 25-yard touchdown pass with less than two minutes left that proved to be the game-winner. This crap is getting increasingly outta hand.
Russell Wilson channeling that Mamba Mentality with the Kobe No. 8 throwback was all you needed to see to know the Seahawks would be clinching the NFC West on Sunday. And what a changeup by Russ, who always finds a way and might be the only player capable of ripping the crown right off the head of Patrick Mahomes come February.
Derrick Henry’s suped-up “ALT BANE” jacket might be the greatest thing he’s ever worn, and that’s saying a lot considering the source. His Kramer pants, however, need to be cut up into dinner napkins or sent directly through a wood chipper. Even Bane knew how to properly complete the set. Wake up!
Andy Dalton going full heel and wearing a sleeveless black jean jacket like a high school senior about to stuff the entire debate team into a locker should have the Giants and Daniel Jones — who probably was on the debate team — completely shook heading into Week 17.
There’s rarely an instance where “cool” and “kicker” are part of the same sentence, however the Broncos’ Brandon McManus is the clear and obvious exception. Absolute gold here.
Learning that Cooper Kupp is a “backwards hat guy” might be the least surprising news of the season.
Chase Young’s rapid rise on the field has been as impressive as his badass struttin’ stadium arrivals off the field. He doesn’t just own the moment, he is the moment.
Wet Bandits hat? Check. Black bandana neck gaiter? Check. The bland jacket he’s been wearing every week for 15 straight weeks? Nowhere to be found! What a moment. It’s like when your dad finally puts on a different pair of sneakers for the first time since 1997.
There’s literally nothing I can tell you about Texans offensive lineman Max Scharping other than the fact he paired Santa-themed pajamas with a cowboy hat and boots. And frankly, that’s enough for me. Total hero.
Crocs. I repeat, Crocs. DeAndre Hopkins has failed us all.
"What a dime, though" – Sam Darnold on Jamison Crowder's touchdown pass pic.twitter.com/7iuW794ohU
— Jets Videos (@snyjets) December 27, 2020
Sam Darnold arrived at the podium looking like a more fashionable version of Andy Dufresne walking the yard at Shawshank. Sadly, this is major progress.
Zeke Elliott apparently thinks he plays for the Chargers. It’s just been that kind of year in Dallas.
Speaking of the Chargers, I never thought I would say Justin Herbert does an amazing impression of Martin Freeman, but Justin Herbert does an amazing impression of Martin Freeman. In the spirit of that, let’s all celebrate with a passionate “Free Love Freeway” interlude from The Office.
Derek Carr looking like someone who just inhaled four plates at Christmas dinner and has since moved to the couch to “unwind” and vacantly stare at the TV tells you everything you need to know about how things went for the Raiders in Week 16.
Credit to Tom Brady for returning to some old signature staples, like this giant winter hat. He’s been missing the mark a lot this year and maybe that’s due to the Zoom aspect of these pressers, but offering a glimpse of his old Patriot ways is a great sign as the Bucs head into the playoffs. While still not quite meeting the lofty standards set by the following watershed moments, it’s certainly in the same stratosphere and appears to be closing in for the conehead kill.
— José De Nigris F. (@josedenigris) January 5, 2020
Tom Brady asked about his winter hat: It’s that time of year pic.twitter.com/FPOMgbcvwH
— Ryan Hannable (@RyanHannable) October 8, 2019
DeForest Buckner never misses and his jacket proves just that. Magnificent.
Kirk Cousins in Vikings Assistant Coach attire and delivering a stoic stare is so on-brand it hurts. To be fair, his numbers really aren’t that bad, it’s just that he constantly looks like he’s questioning everything he’s doing while constantly appearing to not understand the questions he’s being asked.
George Kittle made his triumphant return in a Joker t-shirt and a pair of shades I’m gonna need sooner than later. He also said he was happy to help out the Bears and, thanks to a hot mic, ended the press conference with “Da Bears! I fucking love the Bears.” Good to have you back, George.
“I fucking love the Bears.”
– San Francisco 49ers TE George Kittle
This is a must watch for Bears fans.
(Video via 49ers YouTube) pic.twitter.com/NZm7Iz5i2x
— Daniel Greenberg (@ChiSportUpdates) December 27, 2020
Much like Cam’s fit, it all falls apart for Tyrod Taylor as you near the ankle area. I just can’t get down with the shortened pants and sneaker soles that added roughly three feet to Tyrod’s listed height. And it’s not a purse, it European!
Big Ben’s gray knitted cap matched his hoodie and he even kinda smiled too. For Ben, this is like climbing Mount Everest. Oh, and that’s a really cool fluorescent lightning bolt, bro.
— Houston Texans (@HoustonTexans) December 27, 2020
J.J. Watt broke out into a Burberry blitz with that shirt and jacket, but I’m afraid it’s not enough to fend off the colossal failure that is the white undershirt. It’s the Cousin Eddie of unwelcome appearances.
Cam Jordan’s Sweater
— Sharief Ishaq (@ShariefWDSU) December 26, 2020
This sweater of Air Santa dunking a Christmas present speaks greatly to Cam Jordan’s personality. Which is to say, awesome.
Cam Jordan’s Cleats
Again, Cam Jordan and awesome go hand in hand. He. Does. Not. Miss.
Baker’s hood appearing to be yanked by an invisible hand is symbolism as its finest. Poor guy was treated like a rag doll by the J-E-T-S. Better luck next week against… the Steelers? Good god. The Browns are screwed. Again.
Last week, rookie Jerry Jeudy wore an amazing Broncos Super Bowl XXXII hat and this week he delivered again, this time with a Broncos Super Bowl XXXIII shirt. Showing this kind of love to past franchise greatness will win the fans over every single time.
Jerry Jeudy wore the Broncos Super Bowl XXXII hat reminding us all that every Super Bowl hat should be this awesome. pic.twitter.com/n6ihYMAfL8
— Tim Ryan (@TheSportsHernia) December 20, 2020
— New Orleans Saints (@Saints) December 26, 2020
Drew Brees conducted his postgame presser in front of the Saints’ infamous “fish tank camera” while wearing one of Old Navy’s very best “buy 1 get 11 free” button-downs. What a lethal combo.
Le’Veon Bell’s giant “LB 26” chain is basically taunting Lamar Jackson into returning to the chain game.
— Baltimore Ravens (@Ravens) December 27, 2020
For now, that ain’t happenin’ though. Lamar has instead chosen to morph into Bill Belichick because, as the tweet says, he’s on to Cincinnati. Note: At a quick glance, I was convinced Lamar showed up to the podium with two WWE belts thrown over his shoulders. ‘Twas not to be. Pissed!
Ravens defensive end Derek Wolfe just put everyone in a pine box with this fur coat.
Drew Lock carries himself like a tamed version of Todd from Wedding Crashers. pic.twitter.com/zprvrVAbnW
— Tim Ryan (@TheSportsHernia) December 27, 2020
Gonna go ahead and say I agree with myself 1000% here. And the painting was a gift, Todd. I’m taking it with me.
God damn, Ant Harris, save some heat for the rest of us! Flawless execution.
Budda Baker was one of the surprisingly few players who were entrenched in the Christmas spirit. Nothing like a reindeer in a sweater vest and a tie gettin’ lit.
Adam Thielen was also Team Christmas while also winning the “oh what are thoooose” award for Week 16. #FeetHeat
Adrian Amos proved one can be 1000% aboard the Christmas train and still be stylish as hell. The abstract Santa sweater is sick, as are the pants.
King Tunsil, as he calls himself, went with the caption “Météore,” which is French for meteor. Incredibly succinct and exceedingly accurate as Tunsil continues to be a shooting star. The peace sign tat peeking out from his 9,000-zipper vest to meet his chain was a well-orchestrated work of art.
Mecole Hardman finally ditched that antagonizing Super Bowl “LIV” chain in favor of a “17” chain, which means he’s finally gotten clearance through the criticism portal.
A punter? Well yes, that’s exactly what John(ny) Hekker apparently does for the Rams. And while his audition for the J.Crew winter catalog feels a bit late and lacks the bite, his deeply inspired effort did not go unnoticed.
Jacoby Brissett’s shirt will fly under the radar just like he does but that doesn’t change the fact it’s amazing and must be identified and located for immediate purchase.
Is David Blough conducting an orchestra? Reading from a script? Actually, the second question is an impossibility. No chance in hell the Lions have scripts of any kind.
In keeping with the Lions, we also have Chase Daniel here. And while this is stupid, stupid is the presumed room temperature for all things Lions, so I’d like to point out that Chase is standing in the perfect spot to make the graphic behind his left ear look like a giant hoop earring. Very, very Lions.
Broncos tight end Nick Vannett — another one who flies under the radar to the point I even forget about him — kills it on the regular. He’s basically Travis Kelce without the bells and whistles, both literally and figuratively.
Bengals defensive tackle Mike Williams seems to enjoy just throwing a bunch of crap together and calling it a day. I love it.
Anthony Walker Jr.
The “Mask x Extensive Beard” look is underrated and, at the moment, Anthony Walker Jr. owns exclusive rights to it.
Larry Fitzgerald is here because he’s Larry Fitzgerald and you should never miss an opportunity to showcase the living legend.
Christmas fit of the year? Christmas fit of the year.
Ndamukong Suh almost always looks like a guy who’s ready to palm earth and throw it at the moon, so this photo is the foolproof evidence that winning cures everything.
Bengals running back Trayveon Williams would’ve had it all here if it weren’t for the nine gallons of water he’s carrying. Yes, he’s “that guy” at the gym and apparently while traveling too. He also has a “TM” symbol after his name in his IG profile. What a dickhead.
Quincy Williams is on fire. Last week it was the unmistakeable nipple ornaments, this week he’s pretending to get a piggyback from Santa. What a gem.
Not sure of the details behind the Darth Vader thing that’s going on with this jacket, but I like it.
An NFL player wearing a hoodie that doesn’t cost $1,200? This is a MOMENT, people.
"It's not only me, we've hit our tempo." Matthew Judon on the pass rush: pic.twitter.com/DRKNwvJ7K4
— Baltimore Ravens (@Ravens) December 27, 2020
If I ever wear a jean jacket again, it’ll be exactly what Matthew Judon has on here. The perfect fit with the perfect fade.
For those unclear, Dolphins safety Bobby McCain is wearing a CHRISTIAN DIOR hoodie and CHRISTIAN DIOR is very expensive. Subtle.
Asking “who the hell is Tanner Hudson” would hardly be an unreasonable question. However, I’m not sure it even matters because this photograph does all the necessary driving.
Loyal to Detroit or badly wanted to wear something Detroit-related that actually represents winning? Leaning hard towards the latter.
— New Orleans Saints (@Saints) December 26, 2020
Alvin Kamara with SIX touchdowns and the no-frills approach after the game. Liking where the Saints are at right now.
Hell yes, Bisi Johnson. HELL-freaking-YES. #Dogs #Bacon
Mack Hollins was one of the heroes in the Dolphins’ miraculous last-second win and while this photo is from last Sunday’s stadium entrance, he didn’t post it until much later in the week. Plus, he deserves some shine again regardless. So please give a warm welcome to our brand new national treasure.
Adam Thielen’s Cleats
The Christmas cleats this weekend were amazing …
Mohamed Sanu’s Cleats
— Detroit Lions (@Lions) December 26, 2020
… and done by so many …
Josh Jacobs’ Cleat Heat
— Las Vegas Raiders (@Raiders) December 26, 2020
… including these Claus Cleats by Josh Jacobs which must become available as sneakers ASAP.
Mike Glennon got all that neck and still cant see over defenses pic.twitter.com/S91Yt00ZtQ
— Grimm LaStand (@GrimmLastand) December 26, 2020
Went looking for a photo of Jags quarterback Mike Glennon, who played an exhilarating “revenge game” against the Bears, losing 41-17. These are the best I could find and I gotta say, I’m beyond satisfied with the search results.
That’s the Mike Glennon we all love! pic.twitter.com/9TYscFeHXX
— Bear Down Blog (@BearDown_Blog) December 27, 2020
Some Dude On The Rams
No Idea who this is but the Rams look miserable and are playing miserably. Love to see it.
“I haven’t made any plans for next week, obviously. Game is 15 minutes old.” — Bill Belichick, on Cam Newton vs. Jarrett Stidham. pic.twitter.com/WoZGmra3lN
— Mike Reiss (@MikeReiss) December 29, 2020
Does anyone want this season to hurry up and end more than Bill Belichick? He’s got offseason moves to make and he would like to make them now. What’s shocking is we haven’t really been gifted with any legendary sound bites from The Bill in what has been the perfect mess of a season for him to deliver a few gems.