Rob Gronkowski Calls His Own Highlights In German And May Have Just Started World War III

Some more prime Gronk content. Everything this dude touches is gold. He is so blissfully boneheaded and even though he’s a multi-millionaire he still seems like that guy at the party who would jump from the roof through a folding table. He’ll positively go down as the best tight end to ever live but he appears to go through like egoless–like he won a sweepstakes or something. He’s featured in this video with Patriots’ offensive tackle, second team All-Pro, and German native Sebastian Vollmer. Despite his best efforts, Gronk’s German skills were deplorable. Absolutely shameful. On behalf of Americans everywhere, we apologize to you Germany. Not that you guys have a squeaky clean past yourselves…

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.