Roger Goodell Has Signed A New Contract To Keep Ruling The NFL Under His Iron Fist

by 3 years ago
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Roger Goodell has been the commissioner of the NFL since he succeeded Paul Tagliabue in 2006, and over the past decade or so, the admitted non-football expert has made a mark by improving the league’s finances, only kind of addressing the serious threats to the mental health of players due to the prevalence of concussions in the sport, and managing to piss off the entire population of the region of New England thanks to his slightly dictatorial tendencies. However, he’s apparently done something right, because the league’s owners have been trying to lock down a new contract despite his current one expiring in 2019.

Goodell reportedly opened up negotiations by requesting a $50 million annual salary and access to a private jet for the rest of his life— a request that was met with bemusement by many in the NFL. However, the talks were put on hold after the debate about players taking a knee during the national anthem took center stage, because NFL owners were not in the mood to talk about giving another person a ton of money while watching their revenue slip away.

The drama heightened when Jerry Jones became vocally opposed to the contract renewal in the wake of the NFL’s decision to suspend Ezekial Elliot, which led to even more infighting as his fellow owners sent him a threatening letter and even started to discuss how they could force him to sell the Cowboys if he continued to meddle like the gang from Scooby-Doo. 

However, if Pro Football Talk is to be believed, a deal has been finalized.

They also report that there are provisions that will prevent Jones from being able to resist.

The details of the contract haven’t been released, but I can only assume it will make me feel bad about my life.

TAGSFootballNFLRoger Goodell