The Sh*ttiest Things That Happened In Football This Week

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ESPN


So much crazy shit happened this week in football that I almost lost my mind. From field goal kickers forgetting how to do their jobs to dumbass penalties and questionable calls, if you didn’t lose your voice from screaming at the TV already, you’ll pull out some hair over the frustration of these things that occurred in both college and pro football.

As I’ve given you the past couple of weeks—here and here—these are the shittiest things from the gridiron this week, and, believe me, I’m still fuming over them.

6. The Ending of Monday Night Football

Even as someone who lives in Seattle and has been a transplanted Seahawks fan—only because my Cleveland Browns blow ass and give me zero hope—I can’t help but empathize with Detroit Lions fans on this one.

Not only did the team lose in heartbreaking fashion when Seahawks safety punched the ball out from Calvin Johnson’s hands at the one-yard line, but seeing Seattle linebacker K.J. Wright ILLEGALLY knock it out of the back of the end zone—which should have been a penalty, awarding the ball back to Detroit at the goal-line—is about as depressing as it gets.

Look, I know that the city of Detroit is trying to revive itself and all that shit, but, good lord, if things like this continue to happen to fans of the city’s sports teams, there’s little hope for anyone living in Motown.

5. UConn’s Andrew Adams’ Unsportsmanlike Conduct

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YouTube


Maybe I’m being nitpicky here, but, c’mon man, this type of shit just can’t happen—especially from the defensive captain and supposed star on the UConn Huskies.

While playing BYU and trailing 20-13 in the fourth quarter, UConn made a big stop that would give them the ball back and a chance to march down the field to tie the game up—oh, that is until Andrew Adams had a dumbass brain fart.

After breaking up a pass, Adams was so hyped that he actually booted the football into the stands behind the end zone, drawing some laundry from the refs for an unsportsmanlike penalty and keeping BYU’s drive alive.

It might not have completely cost his team, but, well, yeah it did.

4. The Jacksonville Jaguars Being The Jacksonville Jaguars

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CBS


Since drafting Blake Bortles No. 3 overall in the 2014 NFL draft, go ahead and take a guess at how many road games the Jags have won. If you’re eating a bagel, a donut or anything else that resembles a zero, there’s your answer.

The model of futility, the Jags, once again, proved that they don’t have the chops to win while outside of the city of Jacksonville, losing in agonizing fashion against the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday.

With everything, seemingly, in their favor and numerous opportunities to win, the Jags relied on unproven kicker Jason Myers to do what a kicker is supposed to do—KICK THE BALL THROUGH THE UPRIGHTS! That was too much to ask, though.

After missing a potential game-winner at the end of regulation from 53 yards out, the rookie had a chance to win it for the Jags in overtime with a 48-yarder and, you guessed it, he missed.

The Colts ended up winning the game 16-13. Thanks a lot, rookie kicker, go home.

3. That Mysteriously Strange Arian Foster Fumble

There are some weird things that happen in football each and every week, but this has to be one of the most bizarre I’ve ever seen.

While running against the Atlanta Falcons in his first game of the season following an injury, Houston Texans running back Arian Foster fumbled the ball, which was promptly scooped up by a Falcons player and returned for a touchdown.

Oh, but that’s not the shitty part. It was how Foster fumbled that led him to being on this list.

That’s because his offensive lineman, Derek Newton, was the one who knocked the ball from Foster’s hands, making me wonder 1) is Newton an idiot 2) was it truly just accidental or 3) did Newton have money on the game? I’m sure the answer is No. 2 in that case, but… well, I’m just sayin’.

2. The Fucking Cleveland Browns

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsAs I mentioned above, before I was a pseudo bandwagon Seahawks fan, I’ve been a Cleveland Browns fan—which has caused me plenty of rage and disappointment in my 31 years on this planet.

Since returning in 1999, the Brownies have redefined what it means to be dysfunctional, untalented and unlucky, losing in ways that are completely unimaginable.

Well, unless you’re the Browns.

Sunday’s game against the San Diego Chargers was another instance of that, as Cleveland saw Chargers kicker Josh Lambo push a last-second field goal wide, which would have sent the game to overtime, only to see a flag for offsides being thrown.

With the extra five yards and another chance, Lambo nailed the kick and gave San Diego the win. Way to stay disciplined, Cleveland.

1. Texas Football

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Like death and taxes, it seems that the Texas Longhorns football team has become synonymous with finding themselves in this unfortunate article week after week.

First it was a missed PAT that would have tied the game against Cal a couple of weeks ago, then a botched punt that lost it for them last week, and, well, the Longhorns were down 37-0 at halftime to TCU this past weekend so, yeah, I don’t think I need to explain myself here.

Oh, and in addition to the absolute thrashing the team got from the Horned Frogs—it ended up finishing at 50-7—one of Texas’ players, Kris Boyd, was busy working social media during halftime INSIDE THE LOCKER ROOM, retweeting someone who joked about Boyd transferring to Texas A&M since the Longhorns suck ass.

With the team sitting at 1-4 on the season and becoming the laughingstock of college football, I have a feeling Texas will find itself on this list a few more times before season’s end.