The Sh*ttiest Things That Happened In Football This Week
As if you didn’t suffer enough from some of the plays and games you saw this weekend in college and pro football games, we go ahead and give you the shittiest things from each week to remind you that the sport isn’t always so great.
From a baseball player absolutely shattering a big screen while throwing a football, to one of the worst play-calls in NFL history, this week brought a ton of moments we would rather forget—which is why you need to grab a beer to help erase the memory of the shittiest things from this weekend’s action.
6. Alex Rodriguez Should Never Throw A Football
https://platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.jsI’ve given New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez a hell of a lot of grief over the years for all his wrongdoings on the baseball field—you know, like taking PEDs and shit—but when he went onto FOX NFL Sunday and fired a football wildly, he fell on my list even more.
With studio host Curt Menefee talking A-Rod up as a former high school quarterback, the player must’ve had one last jolt of roid energy, firing a pass over Jay Glazer’s head that completely shattered a TV screen.
It wasn’t actually on the gridiron, but anytime that I can shit on Rodriguez, I will—and his smug, I make $30 million a year look afterwards just made me add him here.
5. Cameron Heyward Gets Fined For Supporting Cancer
The National Football League has been in the news for all the wrong reasons over the past year or so, with the leadership in question and the direction of both player safety and fines seemingly inconsistent.
So you would think that, maybe, just possibly, the league would want to show that they have some semblance of what good PR looks like, right? This is Roger Goodell and is little cronies, guys, of course they don’t!
That’s why hearing the league punished Pittsburgh Steelers defender Cameron Heyward for wearing eye black to show support of his dad—former NFL player Craig Heyward who DIED OF CANCER—it should piss off everyone.
Good job, NFL, you care about one of the worst diseases in the world for one month, and even then, you have dumbass stipulations.
4. NFL Refs Still Don’t Know The Rules
I’m not sure if NFL refs just aren’t making enough cash as a salary that they’re gambling on the side for extra money, but some Chicago Bears fans might think that after seeing their team get royally screwed against the Detroit Lions.
Suddenly becoming a regular contributor to controversy—remember that whole Fail Mary thing a few years ago?—Lions wideout Golden Tate was part of another ruling that no one who knows anything about football could believe.
Coming down in the end zone and, appearing to, not have full control of the football, it was ruled that Tate made a “football-like” move, or some shit like that, and that the ball that had been intercepted was, in fact, a Lions touchdown.
The league did their normal song and dance to explain why the ruling went the way it did, but, c’mon, that was just to save face because the refs fucked this up, got it wrong and showed they don’t know what a catch really is anymore.
3. A Monday Night Football Snoozer
Forget the score—the Eagles won 27-7—because what fans were forced to watch during the Monday Night Football game between Philly and the Giants was absolutely horrid. Combining for seven, yes, SEVEN turnovers, everyone from the fans in attendance to the ones at home to the commentators in the booth were groaning about the play on the field.
Seriously, it was as if this was a preseason game and third- and fourth-stringers were out there during garbage time.
These primetime games get hyped up for, “nothing being like Monday night,” but if this is what we’ll see the rest of the season, I don’t want ANYTHING else to me like Monday night.
2. Michigan Couldn’t Be More Unlucky Than They Were Against Michigan State
I don’t even know where to start with this one because, frankly, it’s one of the most bizarre plays ever witnessed on a football field.
From the terrible time management from Michigan Wolverines head coach Jim Harbaugh to the bobbled snap and unlucky bounce RIGHT into the arms of a Michigan State player on the game’s final play, this single play had it all—including a Wolverines fan caught balling his eyes out after the loss.
After seeing this play over and over, though, I guess I would be crying, too—because it’s literally as if God just decided to hate the state of Michigan for the final 8 seconds.
1. Whatever The Punt Play Was That The Indianapolis Colts Actually Ran https://platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js
Anytime a play is mentioned as, possibly, the worst in the history of the NFL, you know it’s shitty—and the Indianapolis Colts’ fake punt against the Pats was more than just that, it was pathetic, hilarious, embarrassing… should I keep going to get my point across?
No joke, I don’t even know why a head coach would a) even attempt to call this play and b) the players on the field didn’t think, “you know, even if we’re SUPPOSED to run this play, we shouldn’t, because it’s a really stupid play.
It’s too bad that didn’t happen, though, because it cost the Colts and may, ultimately, be the end of Chuck Pagano’s run when all is said and done.
On a positive note, the Internet really had fun making fun of it.