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I don’t know when it happened, but, at some point, the Texas Rangers decided that they were going to create the single most absurd menu options of any professional sports team. No joke, when the Rangers released the ‘Boomstick’ hot dog—a two-foot-long, $26 wiener—the team separated themselves from others who dared challenge them in the obscure food category.
Looks like the team is stepping up their game for the postseason, too.
After clinching the AL West on the final day of the MLB regular season, Rangers players were busy celebrating in the locker room with champagne and beer, but the team cooks were busy coming up with the most outrageous food menu items a fan could find.
According to FTW.USAToday, here are some of the new food items that will be on menus around Globe Life Park in Arlington during the team’s postseason run—and get ready to either pack an appetite or barf at the options:
The Sweet Spot Cotton Candy Dog
There’s no secret recipe to this one, guys. A hot dog covered with “cotton candy-infused mustard” and topped with cotton candy, this is a sweet take on an old classic. Who needs relish, onions and ketchup when you can sweeten up your weeny with something that will give you a sugar high after consuming?
The One-Pound Top-and-Go Cheetos
As if eating an entire bag of Cheetos isn’t enough, this little concoction dumps a bunch of meat, cheese and jalapenos in the bag with the Cheetos, creating a taco salad-like dish that’s sure to leave you looking for the restroom minutes within finishing.
The Elvis Jabberdog Brownie
I don’t even know where to start with this, bros. A giant brownie that’s crusted in rice krispies then dipped in funnel-cake batter and deep fried, then topped with whipped cream, it might just be worth the heart attack it’ll bring.
The Inside-Out Dog
The name says it all. Featuring a one-pound wiener that’s slice in half and loaded with mashed potatoes or mac and cheese, then topped with brisket, chili or shredded chicken on a PRETZEL bun, this isn’t something that you should eat unless you’re cool with going into a food coma.