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To most people, a televised golf tournament is the perfect excuse to sit down on your couch for longer than most medical professionals would recommend (while drinking more beer than most medical professionals would recommend) and listen to Jim Nantz’s hypnotizingly reassuring voice make you feel slightly better about the general state of the world— if just for a little bit.
However, there’s a certain subset of the population— the same people who got pleasure out of reminding teachers about collecting homework— that sets aside a sizeable chunk of their weekend afternoon to turn on their DVR, pull out a copy of the USGA’s Rules of Golf, and put the PGA Tour’s Rules Violations Hotline on speed dial with the goal of ruining someone’s day.
Over the years, plenty of golfers have had their day ruined after signing their scorecard only to discover someone watching their round at home had cared enough to report a rules violation that was so minor literally nobody else on the course noticed it. I can only assume these people get some sort of sexual gratification from seeing extra strokes added to a golfer’s score because I can’t think of any other explanation as to why anyone on the planet would give enough of a shit to narc on someone who accidentally moved a single grain of sand with their wedge before hitting out of the trap.
Sadly, these sadists are going to have to find a new way to get their kicks once the new year rolls around, as the USGA has announced they will no longer be accepting calls from armchair narcs. This comes after the group recently adjusted their standards to give golfers more benefit of the doubt when it comes to violations that could not be reasonably detected by the naked eye.
I wish bowling alleys around the country the best of luck as they prepare for an invasion of random people flocking to the lanes for the sole purpose of calling out foot fouls.