Von Miller Admits He Settled For Texas A&M, Compares Them To An Ugly But Loyal Girlfriend

I’m a pretty big Von Miller fan. Super Bowl MVP and (seemingly) all around nice guy. Miller’s a class act and also an absolute fire fantasy football pick. He’s the kind of moneymaker than everyone wants a piece of. “You know Von Miller? He used to work at the Taco Bell I work at.” Anything associated with this guy is probably valuable in some way. Hell, if I got my hands on a piece of turf he had run on, I could probably squeeze a few dollars out of some schmuck on Ebay. I’m not going to rob them, but I could get a buck or two if need be.

So I cannot imagine that Texas A&M is very happy about Miller’s description of them during an interview with Sports Illustrated.

Via Sports Illustrated:

“”A&M really wanted me,” Miller says. “You know that girlfriend that’s really not that attractive but she’s going to do everything she can to keep you? That was A&M. . . . That hot chick that just talks to you on Mondays? That was LSU.””

Woof. Maybe loyalty really is a thing of the past. Honestly, I can’t tell if this more of dig at Texas A&M or at all the other teams who didn’t show him enough attention. Really, though, this is kind of Miller’s fault. You can’t complain about having an ugly girlfriend if you’re willing to settle for the lowest hanging fruit that hands out blowjobs like a vacuum cleaner. If you don’t want to put in the work to impress the hot girl, then you’re not allowed to complain about the way your girlfriend looks. “Man, I wish I wasn’t lazy and willingly went after the chick who had the nicer body instead of settling for my chick’s personality. You can’t fuck personality. I’ve tried!!” That’s you fault, Von. The fruits were there. All you had to do was scale the Tree of Life and grab them.

[h/t TFM]