Once you get to Week 9 of the NFL season there’s almost always an expected laundry list of key players injured, and this Sunday would be no different. Everyone was already well aware that the injury to renowned fashionista Cam Newton has not improved all that much and he’s basically out indefinitely at this point. Then you toss Patrick Mahomes and James Connor into this M.I.A. list and things get increasingly awful.

Glass half-full? Let’s just be happy that Antonio Brown didn’t end up on the Seahawks. However, they did end up with Josh Gordon, who’s no slouch when it comes to Stylin’ N Profilin’ like the legendary Nature Boy taught us to do oh so well.

When it finally starts getting cold outside, Flash is more than ready to kick winter’s ass.

As for BYE Weeks, we were deprived of the Falcons, Bengals, Rams, and Saints, which ultimately equates to being deprived of nothing. Seriously, can’t think of anyone who makes much of a fashion statement from that foursome unless you consider efforts like this to be hypnotizing.

Ah yes, the great Matty Ice, always known for his magnetic charisma off the field.

Now having said that — word up Jerry and Larry — I say to you with the vocal vigor of CNN anchor Chris Cuomo, whaddya say, let’s get after it!

Oh, and since it was Halloween this past Thursday, expect to see some weird shit from some random Niners and Cardinals.

Aaron Rodgers

This was a whole new and different side of Aaron Rodgers and I’m not sure it’s working for him, much like nothing was working on the field against the Chargers.

Seriously man, 6-of-9 for 35 yards in the first half and finishing with 161 after the game was out of hand and the Chargers softened up their D?

Let’s make that a one and done, and that includes the denim.

Aaron Jones

On the other hand, please please please don’t allow a dud of a performance stop your sombrero streak, Aaron Jones.

It’s just too damn good and this is one of the best we’ve seen yet.

Russell Wilson

In a celebration of the NFL’s Salute to Service month, Russ went with the camo jacket and, gasp, it actually fits. The Seahawks elusive QB had been riding a hot streak of looking incredibly awkward in clothes that were either too big, too small or too something.

The brown shirt matching the brown in his jacket was a nice touch. Good to have ya’ back, Russ.

Concerns were rising and nearly reached the point of a team intervention. Allegedly.

Speaking of…

Baker Mayfield

The number of answers to the question in this tweet are endless and downright hilarious, as so much mockery continues to make the rounds. It’s become almost impossible to keep track of, but worth every minute.

The bottom line is that Baker Mayfield looks like an old-timey private investigator who’s spent months tracking down his guy only to come up empty while surrounded by empty bottles of cheap whiskey, many of which could easily be stored inside that XXXXXXXL coat.

The best part, though, is that we find ourselves in the very unique and special situation of being able to compare the Browns struggling QB to both John Candy hawking shower curtain rings in Planes, Trains and Automobiles AND the teenage version of Tom Hanks’ character Josh Baskin in Big.

Yup, jackets three hundred sizes too big are reserved for special moments.

In Baskin’s case, it was for returning to his youth in a suit that could probably fit one of the Browns linemen with ease.

In Baker’s case, it was for when you’ve rapidly escaped your youth thanks to spending 18 months as a member of the Cleveland Browns.

https://twitter.com/h8rproof82/status/1191163826231795712

This debacle is definitely the clubhouse leader for the season, for all the wrong reasons.

UPDATE: Wait, wait, WAIT. So Baker chose to shave down to the mess we see above some time before or after the game? Because this was his arrival at the stadium Sunday.

Each time we peel another layer, the level of discomfort breaks through to the next floor.

Tom Brady

The Patriots suffered their first loss of the season and it’s written all over Tom Brady’s face. The stark difference though, when compared to other players, is he still makes losses look good.

Special Request: I know they’re friends, so we collectively beg you, Sir Thomas, to call Baker and explain to him what “fit” means and maybe drop the name of a stylist or a tailor or someone — anyone — with a fashion sense post-1960.

Yup, that’s a fit.

I also continue to enjoy the colossal difference between “before losing face” and “after losing face.”

DeAndre Hopkins

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4Z5KoHl99Z/

There is officially nothing DeAndre Hopkins can’t do.

Name one other player in the NFL that could wear a brown suede jacket, an orange and tan turtleneck, leather pants, and a glowing neon backpack and have it all look flawless and normal — like it’s just another day at work.

It’s an impossible mission. The hair is just the extra cherry on top.

Dalvin Cook & Anthony Barr

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4YNwNjBDn1/

Pictured at left is the dangerous, multi-talented running back Dalvin Cook? The fantasy football hero?

Never would’ve guessed that. He looks like a comedian who was hired to loosen up the team on the flight to Kansas City.

BONUS: I absolutely love that Anthony Barr wore a pair of Dalvin Cook’s pants. #BFFs

Kirk Cousins

“Hi Kirk, how do you spell comeback?”

*Cousins proceeds to make that face for 11 minutes*

“Thank you for your time, Kirk.”

Explains a helluva lot. #CaptainClutch

Lamar Jackson

Here’s a great example of denim actually, ya’ know, working. Crazy, I know.

Make sure to check out Lamar’s glorious chain(s) in this Instagram gallery from the Ravens.

Gardner Minshew

Gonna go ahead and make an exception here since the Jags are off next week and we’re likely not going to see Gardner Minshew for a while after a dreadful performance in London and a healthy Nick Foles in the waiting.

But wow oh wow, a Tarzan bandana and a Burt Reynolds “Bandit” shirt?

It doesn’t matter that this isn’t a pregame or postgame photo, it’s a beautiful way for #MinshewMania to come to an end.

At least for now.

Odell Beckham Jr.

Jarvis Landry looks lively and presentable as he usually does. I especially enjoy the “Can’t Believe You Doubted Me” hat even though doubts are rightfully far and wide at the moment.

But the burning question naturally relates to Odell:

Is he wearing a jacket that features a zip-up front pack? Yes. Yes, it appears so.

Get this man his own spaceship to captain at once, please.

Sam Darnold

A visibly miserable Samuel Darnold has been shipped off to boarding school by his overbearing rich parents and there’s not a damn thing he can do about it.

Jamal Adams

Exceptions simply have to be made when one sports such a showstopper of a shirt, even when said wearer of shirt plays for the Jets.

Jameis Winston

Jameis Winston isn’t here to discuss his boring sense of style, but rather to discuss that a glass half-full is still filled with air.

I repeat:

“The glass is always full. It may be half-full with water, but it’s still full with air.”

So essentially even an empty glass is still technically completely full?

With this kind of bain-bending philosophy, I think it’s best for all that we move on. Quickly.

Josh Allen

Josh Allen is officially a chameleon. This week he looks like the type of dude who might smash his TV to pieces if “his guy” didn’t win their UFC match.

Derrick Henry

This is what the kids would call STRAIGHT FIRE to go along with 65 emojis and they wouldn’t be wrong.

The tinted glasses that match the jacket really puts this one in a special place.

All hail King Henry.

Matt Moore

Matt Moore is the casual, Old Navy version of Eli Manning and Daniel Jones.

Study hard and best of luck on your midterms, Matthew.

Robbie Gould, Mitchell Wishnowsky & Kyle Nelson

Yes, that’s the Niners’ kicker, punter and long snapper dressed up as Ronnie Lott, Joe Montana and Jerry Rice.

Pretty genius (and easy) group decision, not to mention funny, as the chances of anyone talking about these guys on their own would be slim to none.

Philip Rivers

The man could damn near fill out an entire offense or defense with the number of children he has, so I’m not about to mock the guy for going the simple t-shirt route.

Malcolm Butler

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4YN1vQAXP5/

The Titans must’ve been alerted to what the Texans have been doing week in and week out because they brought the heat this week.

Additionally, and more crucially, I need that paisley blazer like I need oxygen.

David Johnson

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4VQTk0jZAj/

While David Johnson remains injured and continues to kill millions of fantasy teams — sad! — boy oh boy did he kill it on Halloween. Going above and beyond like this when dealing with a nagging injury that probably has the guy down a bit was completely unexpected and 100% respected.

Get healthy soon, Lord Vader.

Jacoby Brissett

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4X1I6CFITc/

Learn from the best, play like the best, dress like the best = Jacoby Brissett, Tom Brady disciple.

Mason Rudolph

Wow. Maybe try to tame it back a bit next week, but this is well thought out and simply sensational, Mason!

Daniel Jones

Yes, Eli Manning has been cloned with a shiny upgrade of “able to move pretty good.”

But do we dare take a closer look? Because this is as sad as it is true.

This is easily the worst tri-fold college brochure reveal these eyes have ever seen.

Cody Latimer

 

Uh huh… riiiiight.

This is the unofficial “whatever makes you happy, bro” part of the rundown.

Amari Cooper

Amari is a straight-up killah’ who’s been owning life all season long and his IDGAF approach — one that comes with an absurd dose of confidence — should be taught in classrooms nationwide.

Daniel Jones

You just never know how captivated the crowd of adoring fans might be when it comes to the great Daniel Jones.

The fact that “Danny Dimes” instantly forces a callback to this GIF is pretty much the saddest thing in the world.

Well, next to saddest. But it’s jarringly close.

Kenny Stills

Everyone eventually takes an L and I’m afraid this is the week where Kenny Stills did just that.

The overlapping denim jacket or vest or whatever that might be is a roaring disaster.

Demaryius Thomas

That’s actually wide receiver Braxton Berrios being featured in the tweet even though Demaryius Thomas is the one that should be leading this trio. Somehow the Jets managed to botch this one too — shocking! — so we’ll go ahead and pull Demaryius from this collage and celebrate the feel-good flow emanating from his photo.

It’s like he still has no idea he plays for the Jets yet. Praying that feeling lasts as long as possible.

Deshaun Watson

Deshaun Watson making statements on and off the field. The mix of black and white between the shirt and his sweater is perfect. Not overdoing it while definitely not underdoing it either.

Eric Kendricks!!

No idea what’s happening here. The only plausible conclusion is that Vikings linebacker Eric Kendricks is, in fact, some kind of robot.

Sometimes players find themselves in this space for reasons that are unexpected and completely preposterous.

Welcome, Eric!

Bill Belichick

Bill Belichick didn’t bother to dress up and that comes as no surprise under the “tragic” circumstances, but even in that deep, distant daze I still feel like he could snatch a baseball out of thin air at any given moment like Robert De Niro in Awakenings.

Taylor Gabriel

A happy-go-lucky Taylor Gabriel is here to remind us that Scarf SZN is upon us.

Remember, it doesn’t necessarily have to be cold out to wear a scarf. In fact, people get super annoyed when you wear a scarf in decent weather, so I strongly encourage throwing one on.

Hot Tip: Keeping the scarf on while indoors is obnoxious and tends to drive people batshit crazy, so I strongly encourage taking that route too.

Charles Omenihu

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4aYAGGjlAg/

Per MoreThanStats, Texans defensive end Charles Omenihu is wearing a custom Nigerian Agbada.

If he doesn’t do this for the rest of the season, we riot.

Tyrod Taylor

The one guy who never plays that’s featured every week.

This time, the reasoning is quite simple:

You wear Travis Scott AJ1s, you win. END OF DISCUSSION.

Although if you’re curious as to what else Ty-Smooth is wearing, please just take a look at his stylist’s post of the same photo:

Oh, is that all? What about the socks? Wait wait wait, that’s the “nikesportswear” tag at the bottom.

But what about the belt? Jeeeeesus.

Chester Tre’ Rogers

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4YOf4BhYcO/

I don’t care if those are Gucci socks, I’ll never be a fan of suit pants so comically and stupidly short.

Rodney McLeod

Even though Rodney’s jacket likely goes for a few grand, it looks like it could easily double as a shower curtain liner. I’ll pass.

Rashaan Evans

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4YDApSnGaK/

So what’s the deal with airplane peanuts and what’s the deal with the cash on display?

OH MY GOD, HE’S GOT A STACK OF DOLLAR BILLS.

Make sure to hit the other two photos in his Instagram gallery above. Dude thinks he’s workin’ part-time for Death Row Records even though it no longer exists, which would at least partially explain the one-dollar bills.

Jimmy Garoppolo

Lookin’ smooth and dapper as always, that’s why they call him Jimmy GQ.

Patrick Peterson

Did I mention it was Halloween when the Cards and Niners played? Patrick Peterson’s effort here was simple but effective.

Joker Mask + Joker Cards as pocket square = Gold.

George Kittle

How on earth was it Halloween and George Kittle, of ALL players, just threw on some regular shit and a pair of Jordans and thought it would be acceptable?

Kyle Rudolph

Sticking with tight ends who excel at blocking, there’s nothing more appropriate than a black and blue silk suit for a guy like Kyle Rudolph who actually enjoys blocking to the point he PREFERS it.

Now that right there is the quintessential FOOTBALL GUY.

Marquise Goodwin

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4Q-7JvlME7/

I’m honestly so freakin’ rattled by Football Head I’m at a rare loss for words.

Deebo Samuel

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4Q1JMDHEZM/

Forget what I said about Patrick Peterson, that right there is an amazing Joker mask.

Nice job, rook’.

Derek Wolfe

You know it’s a great jacket when even the presence of a baby doesn’t take complete ownership of the photo instantaneously.

This custom black snakeskin bomber jacket from @GentsPlaybook is even better than what Jesse Pinkman was rockin’ with in El Camino.

Tramaine Brock Sr.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4TOO8FJSlX/

Cardinals cornerback Tramaine Brock Sr. rose to the occasion on Halloween to the point it was a little too convincing.

Let’s just be happy Halloween didn’t land on a Sunday this year.

Shahid Khan

I don’t like it and it sure as hell doesn’t work for me, but it’s absolutely majestic on Shahid Khan.

The lesson being, of course, if you have a ‘stache like that you can make anything look good.

BONUS ROUND

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4S7Pc7BU63/?igshid=tdf0kjud2g0j

This flip flop of denim and plaid between DeAndre Hopkins and Houston Rockets forward P.J. Tucker is tremendous.

Popeyes’ widely celebrated and beloved chicken sandwich found its way to the feet of Stefon Diggs on Sunday. Now please read that sentence again and reflect on just how ridiculous it is and then go wait in line at the drive-thru for 90 minutes.