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THE HEADLINES

Estimated Read Time: 3 minutes and 30 seconds

 

“WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE”

In what could be the most embarrassing of the recent data leaks, Under Armour announced that its meal and exercise tracking app, MyFitnessPal, has been hacked. An estimated 150M accounts were affected, which is more than the population of Japan and marks one of the largest data breaches to date.

According to the Baltimore based purveyor of ugly shoes, no identifiable government information, like Social Security or driver’s license numbers were breached. What was stolen, however, were usernames, passwords, and email accounts. And you thought Nigerian princes were your biggest problem.

Under Armour, who had seen their stock rise 13% this year, saw a drop of almost 4% in after the news was announced.

Water Cooler Talking Point: “If hackers want to break into my account and see that I’ve ordered Domino’s every Sunday for the last three years and haven’t worked out in 6 months, more power to them. I’m not really sure why I’m even tracking that in the first place.”

 

WINDOW PAIN

Microsoft announced a giant restructuring of the company. The tech giant will have two main engineering teams: one focusing on experience and devices, and another on cloud and AI platforms. Maybe they are more than just Word docs and Pivot Tables, after all.

The restructuring was a calculated measure as “the cloud” business has been booming. Last year, Bill Gates’ baby announced approximately 3k layoffs as part of a strategy to refocus on Azure, Microsoft’s cloud product.

One casualty worth mentioning is Terry Myerson, a 21-year vet, and head of the Windows group. Get a job in software dev, they said. It will have job security, they said.

Water Cooler Talking Point: “If you’re going to get forced out of somewhere, it might as well be Microsoft. I’d take that severance package and open a fancy grilled cheese truck on the beach any day.”

 

WHAT’S ALL THE BUZZ ABOUT?

Two weeks ago Match sued Bumble for patent infringement and stealing trade secrets. Now Bumble is countersuing and seeking $400M in damages, claiming that Match was simply butthurt by their competitor rejecting multiple buyout offers. You don’t have to be Dr. Phil to label this a toxic relationship.

The cherry on top here is that Tinder recently announced a brand new idea where women will make the first move in-app. Coincidentally this is the entire premise of Bumble’s platform. In response, Bumble took out full-page ads that read like a Queen Bey music video. Who runs the world? (Spoiler: Girls). 

Water Cooler Talking Point: “Bumble is that very respectable female who finally left her douche-bag boyfriend and now all he does is talk sh*t about her to his friends to make her look bad. Good for her for sticking up for herself.”

 

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IN OTHER NEWS

 

• Barclays will pay the US $2B to settle claims that it deceived investors about the quality of some $31B worth of mortgage deals that helped cause the financial crisis.
• The family of the victim killed by Uber’s autonomous vehicle has commented that any “issues” with Uber have been “resolved.”
• Tesla is asking Model S and X employees to volunteer their time to help ramp up Model 3 production. As a reminder, shareholders of the struggling EV company recently approved Elon Musk’s $50B pay package.
• The Onion is unionizing. But the joke’s on them, it appears that their parent company Univision is planning layoffs.
• US indices were up yesterday:
  • DOW: +1.07%
  • S&P 500: +1.38%
  • NASDAQ: +1.64%