Look, you can believe in Ted Cruz’s policies all you want. I personally don’t agree with them, but I understand why someone would like his sentiments, ideas, beliefs and plans for office, insane as they may be.
My whole reason for people not to vote for him is he looks like a sleaze. Like the kind of dude who wears a genital torture device on stage during debates to get sexual pleasure while being in front of an audience of millions.
Real deviant shit, you know? Is that someone you want in the Oval? Who’s tugging it while talking to Putin?
Now, no one’s been able to prove he’s a straight perv, but the National Enquirer is reporting that people are trying to find out.
Lest you poo poo the source, remember (you won’t), they were the ones who caught presidential hopeful Gary Hart having an affair in 1988, sinking his candidacy.
From Gawker, who obtained a copy of the story, which is not yet on the web:
“Private detectives are digging into at least five affairs Ted Cruz supposedly had,” claimed a Washington insider.
“The leaked details are an attempt to destroy what’s left of his White House campaign!”
The ENQUIRER reports that Cruz’s claimed mistresses include a foxy political consultant and a high-placed D.C. attorney!
Oh, I absolutely believe it. Fuck, five even seems low. People who publicly profess their outward Christian values tend to be the most fucked up fucks.
And Cruz just looks like one.