“You’re just afraid to commit!”
Every guy will hear this from some chick at some point in his life. And every guy knows she’s right…mostly. We are afraid to commit. Afraid to commit to the wrong crazyass chick.
There are a shedload of upsides to commitment for a guy, but there are also a dumptruck’s worth of reasons not to. For instance, did you know that women initiate divorce more than men?
And don’t forget that once she divorces you she can come after you for outrageous alimony and child support demands.
These facts may be daunting, but they are nowhere near as awesome as the potential benefits of a healthy, fulfilling relationship. So magnificent are these benefits we are willing to risk that aforementioned bullshit in hopes of getting one.
Regular sex
Make no mistake, a man’s need to bang is as defining to his masculinity as his need to stand up to pee. The idea of regular sack rolling with fresh conquests can be appealing, but nothing is more satisfying as sex with a loving partner. A lover that knows your tastes, kinks and fetishes, doesn’t judge and indulges them with soft touches and genuine passion is worth her weight in expensive, glittery rocks. Why else do you think we’d spend so much money on something so useless?
Emotional support
Classes suck. Group assignment partners suck. Bosses suck. Coworkers suck. Traffic sucks. But a nurturing partner certainly does not. Entering the door of your home to share in the company that’s personally invested in your peace of mind is value a billionaire can’t buy.
Help in keeping house
Yeah, it’s 2015 and a man can keep his own house without the help of a woman. But it’s nice knowing that when shit needs cleaning, you don’t have to do it all alone. Especially vacuuming. Blech.
[Editor’s Note: Vacuuming is easy, Span. It’s folding laundry that’ll tear you down, piece by fucking piece.]
Additional Income
A movie is $15 per ticket (NOT including IMAX). A decent new car is $20k. A house in a neighborhood you can safely park that $20k car in will cost between $250k-$600k. And the dingleberry cherry on that shit pie is that income disparity is at its highest in the U.S. since the Great Depression.
Now more than ever, if you want to live a decent life you will need two incomes. Or one of you needs to walk that track, bitch. And they make high heels in men’s sizes, too.
Kids
Even though we may not be in a rush to have kids (ANY rush whatsoever), we still want to have kids one day. And although pretending to make them with Bar Skank #86 can be a lot of fun, knocking her up is decidedly not. It’s a fucking nightmare as a matter of fact.
A traditional marriage may or may not be our thing, but waiting until we have a good, quality chick is always preferable for starting a family. And we definitely want a family. How else are we gonna grow a human being in our own image? It’s like raising your own personal best friend!
Arm candy
Whether we dig those too-thin minnies or Drake-flavored BBW’s, every guy likes showing off a hot piece of ass around his friends, family, work acquaintances, high school bullies and that bitch that fucked us over in high school when she knew you liked her but still kept fucking every athlete within a 50 mile radius…*ahem*.
Yeah, so ummmm…yeah. A good looking girl on your arm is certainly vain, arrogant and selfish. But that doesn’t make it any less awesome.
Getting rejected sucks
Dating is a numbers game. And if you ask any guy that goes out a lot, getting one out of ten girls to say ‘yes’ to a date is excellent. That means four girls politely refused, three girls probably laughed in your face, one cussed you out and one introduced you to her bodybuilder boyfriend that trains in MMA.
You have a better chance of hitting a Verlander fastball than convincing a girl to let you feed her food and drinks at your expense. It sounds like a raw deal, because it is. But there is no risk without reward. Hopefully, if we do it enough, the reward is that marvelous young lady that’s worth committing to so you don’t have to look for any others ever again.
Love
Our hesitation to commit isn’t indicative of an inability to commit. Instead, it’s us patiently waiting for the assurance that when we do commit, it’s for real. As much as a woman wants that all encompassing love, so also do men. Probably even more so. Why else would we risk lots of rejection, buy expensive jewelry we can’t wear, take someone that will probably divorce us into our home to be the only girl we can have sex with, while raising a gaggle of resource-sucking children? That’s because we want to be in love too. So give us time to decide, ladies. We’re worth it.