University Of Florida Frat Dude Asks Jennifer Lawrence To Formal In A Video From Hell

by 4 years ago


 
Listen, I get it–dreamers are going to dream. No swings, no hits. Blah blah. But this University of Florida frat dude needs to try smarter, not harder. J-law was propositioned by a Navy Seal for a date just months ago. Did Lawrence take him up on the offer? Nope. Did she even respond? To the best of my knowledge, no. So unless Jennifer hates the country that made her the highest paid actress on the planet, she’s not going to accept your offer because you painted yourself blue and exuded a serial killer vibe. Piss poor positioning.

My advice to this dude: delete this video and go after a celebrity who’s not expecting it. One that’s not a blue chip player. Like ‘Kimmie Gibbler Will You And Your Stinky Feet Please Come To Formal With Me?’ Kimmie would make a hair appointment that day. You’d probably score a foot job out of the deal too. It’s the same concept as approaching the second hottest girl at the bar because 1.) the hottest one just garners more competition than its worth and b.) the second hottest one is feeling insecure that there’s a hotter girl than her in the bar. 

Wash the blue dye off yourself, go back to the drawing board and let me know when the revised video is live.

My advice for J-law would be to hire another bodyguard.
 

[h/t TFM]

Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.

TAGSformal requestsfrat brosJennifer LawrenceUniversity of Florida