Massive Bison Angrily Charges At Little Girl And Sends Her Into Orbit While Coward Parents Head For The Hills


American bison roam the grasslands every day with the inescapable urge to fuck up humans’ lives. In the 19th century, the species became nearly extinct due to commercial hunting and slaughter and if the old saying is true, bison don’t forget. Or is that elephants? I forget.

Bisons are the largest extant land animals in North America, with some ballooning to over 2,000 pounds, so they could bury a human being alive with a moderately sized dump.

One family took a bison’s calm disposition for weakness and decided it was a good idea to pet the obscenely large mammal and rub their dirty little human hands all over its body.

The bison did not like that. The bison did not like that one bit…

(Yoooo, not for nothing but that kid almost stuck the landing.)

Who needs enemies when you have parents like that, huh? Jesus, I haven’t seen a parent run away from a child so quickly since I asked my dad how babies were made.

Most of me hopes the child is okay, but a small part of me is whispering, “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.”

Does anyone know the number for Child Protective Services? These parents are unfit.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.