Hey bro, before you head out to go to the gym, don’t. Well, go if you’re genuinely trying to be healthy, but for the other 96% of us who just want to look fly in front of HOT CHICKZ, I have a sales pitch for you that could lead to the extinction of male
excersize exersize wait, how the fuck do you spell exercise? Oh, there it is, thanks for nothing spell cheque.
*ESPN 30 for 30 voice* What if I told you, you could eat pizza rolls for breakfast and brush your teeth with Dr. Pepper and still maintain a Mario Lopez six pack. What if I told you you could inks tattoos all over your body and still be employable. What if I told you redheads that you could get golden brown tans instead of melanoma?
Well, with one visit to the app store, you can turn your Tinder profile pictures from Timothy McVeigh To Timothy Chalamet. So hot right now.
The app is called Manly — Body Muscle Editor Pro. It allows you to add six pack abs, tattoos, and maple syrupy tans.
And the best part is, it’s for ages 4 and up, so if you got a 5-year-old buddy looking to shoot out shirtless photos to his crush in daycare, it’s totally cool.
Actually, no. Nevermind, that’s not the best part. This is:
BRB, I’m going to throw abs and a skull and crossbones tab on this dick pic I’m sending out to my happily married ex-girlfriend from high school. I think I can even use the tan filter to blur the red rashes. Being disingenuous is fun!!!