Jorts-Wearing Baby Boomer Tries And Fails Miserably At Bull-Rushing Walmart Employee Who Turned Him Away For Not Wearing A Mask


Florida continues let the opening floodgates open despite experiencing a week of record-breaking spikes in coronavirus cases and a group of experts claiming the state “has all the makings of the next large epicenter.”

Scientists at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and the University of Pennsylvania released a report saying:

“The most concerning areas for additional widespread community transmission continue to be in Texas, Arizona, the Carolinas and, once again, Florida,” the report said. “In fact, Florida has all the makings of the next large epicenter…the risk there is the worst it has ever been in our projections.”

If I’ve learned one thing from working on the internet, it’s that Florida—regardless of logic or reason—will do Florida. It is both endearing and destructive, asinine and honorable.

We have our two billionth example of that committed recklessness coming at you from *spins wheel* an Orlando Walmart!

Orange County, Florida recently made it mandatory for its citizens to wear masks in public after the state tallied its 100,000+ case of coronavirus over the weekend.

One man would not be denied, much to the delight of the five million people who viewed the below video.

Clap for the encore!

Gotta feel for the Walmart employee here, despite the dude having his entire nose exposed outside of his mask. No one wants to have a jorts-wearing Boomer with a Napolean Complex attempt to Mike Alstott him en route to buying a pair of white tube socks to wear with his teva sandals. For nine bucks an hour? No thanks.

Until tomorrow Florida, sleep drunk.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.