Governor Cuomo Is Now Shoving Preposterous Romantic Advice Down Our Throats

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Governor Cuomo has a wonderful suggestion for any couple hoping to take the next step, and then the next step, in the shortest amount of time possible:

Hey Cuoms? Pressure is exactly what it is. You’re creating pressure. Your powerpoint is a deep-sea submarine held together with fishing wire and spit, and guess who the passengers are? People like me who are in a relationship, didn’t think we had to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year, and are currently fending off engagement hints like we’re Hodor holding back the Wights.

Point is, you’re not helping. Your timeline is preposterous. Restaurants reopen at 25% capacity just in time for Valentine’s Day which, in your mind, allows us just enough time to play the wedding ONE MONTH LATER? How pregnant do you think we are?!!! What is happening!! What kind of meth-accelerated timeline is this?

Dear Lord. As if we needed more stress, we’ve now got New York’s executive branch telling us to dump or get off the pot. Some things take time. I’m not insecure, you’re insecure.