A Thunderous Fart Helped Missouri Police Locate A Suspect On The Run(s), Becoming The Best Crime Story Of 2019

by 1 year ago

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Remember the millennial criminal from a couple months back who claimed he’d turn himself in if his mugshot photo got 15,000+ likes on Facebook? I thought that dude was a lock for the most idiotic criminal of 2019.

I should have known better. I’ve worked on the internet long enough to know that there is no definitive ‘rock bottom’ for humanity.

Which leads me to the story about a Missouri man who was wanted for possession of a controlled substance over the weekend and gave up his hiding spot to law enforcement after ripping a fart so loud, police were able to sniff him out.

The Clay County Sherriff’s Department posted on Facebook about the incident.

Was this dude sitting in a fucking church pew? That’s the only explanation for this utter carelessness. Everyone knows you let a little out at a time like you’re Andy Dufresne dropping rubble in the yard at Shawshank.

The Liberty City Police Department was “surprised” to see the incident “slip out, which stinks for the arrestee,” the City of Liberty said on Twitter. The city also gave props to officers for “airing out a wanted person’s dirty laundry and fanning the flames.” [h/t NY Post]

Officials have not released the name of the suspect or provided more information about the case, but one thing’s for sure: if the dude is having bad gas now, wait until the prison food hits. Guards will have no choice but to move him to solitary. Bless this man.

 

Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.

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