Game of Thrones is a wild show.
There was the Battle of Blackwater and the Red Wedding and that woman who gave birth to a smoke baby and someone poisoned Joffrey and the Wildlings climbed the effin’ Wall and Bran is a Jedi and they killed Jon and then Jon was brought back and then there was the Battle of the Bastards and in the end, dragons and ice zombies.
Yet while all the battles and dragons and big set pieces are entertaining as hell, what really makes the show so great are the characters. It’s why, in my opinion, the Game of Thrones will end with a battle of the living, not a battle for the living. The stuff with the White Walkers will be resolved in the first few episodes and then it all comes down to the Starks, the Lannisters, and the Targaryens.
Then it’ll be over and all of these new friends we’ve made along the way will be gone. Winter was coming, winter came, winter is over.
Let us then appreciate the characters that are still alive heading into the show’s final season with the best way we know how: by judging them as a drinking buddy.
Ugh, this creepy dude. He’s always lurking in the shadows like a flippin’ Milford Man.
I don’t need to tell you twice, but we all know that a key rule in life is to steer clear of anyone lurking in the shadows—especially if their only friend is a jacked zombie who doesn’t talk and has a tendency to slam dudes’ heads against the wall.
I also picture Qyburn hanging out in an opium den and I just feel like I’m too old for that.
29. Theon Greyjoy
A lot has happened over the course of the first seven seasons of Game of Thrones and you could be excused for forgetting some of what has gone down. But none of us—and I mean none of us—have forgotten that seemingly endless run of episodes that featured Theon being tortured. Good god, that was the worst. The worst part? We didn’t even like Theon before that!
It’d be one thing if a character that people actually liked endured that kind of treatment but for it to be someone no one liked made it even more terrible. Do you want to drink with this dude? I sure don’t. I didn’t want to before his capture and before he turned on Jon and before he was just the dude on the couch in Winterfell.
I’ve been staunchly anti-Theon from the get-go and I don’t regret a minute of it.
28. The Mountain
I don’t know. Sometimes I just want to drink in silence. I feel like he’d appreciate that.
27. Bran Stark
Some of this depends on whether or not you want to know the future or literally everything about the past. I do suppose it could be kind of entertaining quizzing Bran on stuff and he would definitely know who really killed JFK. So that’s a bonus.
But come on. We’ve seen enough to know that Bran wouldn’t be cool enough to play along. In reality, he’d probably just sit silently next to you, lost in his visions and ignoring you.
At least with The Mountain you know you’re getting a buddy who is the silent type. With Bran, that alluring prospect of getting a glimpse into some of the craziness he’s seeing is too good to pass up, even though it’ll never happen.
26. Euron Greyjoy
I’m not interested in drinking with a guy who is going to make me pay for everything, will no doubt cause a scene (if not a brawl), and will ditch me at some point, probably stealing my car in the process because you know, he’s a Greyjoy.
Those animals are all about just taking things. Who does that? Who lives a life based on the philosophy of if you want something, just take it? That’s just rude.
The Greyjoys are terrible, terrible people and I wish nothing but the worst for them.
Except Yara. She’s okay.
25. The Night King
Well, your drink would never get cold and he probably likes hockey so maybe he’s perfect for sitting around, drinking beers, and watching guys skate up and down the ice.
And you know, I don’t think we’ve talked enough about the fact that the Night King didn’t want to be the Night King in the first place. The damn Children of the Forest made him and then kicked him to the curb when he outlived his usefulness (or something like that. This show has a lot of history that can be tough to keep track of.) Maybe he’s just pissed off and lashing out?
Perhaps instead of fighting him, someone just needs to listen to him.
We can just drink. That’s cool too.
24. Cersei Lannister
No way am I sitting down to drink with Cersei effin’ Lannister. No way!
She’d probably poison you or get you tipsy and talk you into doing something nasty and nefarious, which I generally try and refrain from taking part in.
You might be saying to yourself “I don’t know. I think she might be fun to hang out with. You know, maybe drink a bottle of wine or two.” But no. No way.
You know why? Because loose lips sink ships and nothing gets lips looser than too much wine and nothing would sink a ship faster than Cersei listening to your ramblings and then going around your back to report said ramblings to those you rambled about.
Cersei can’t be trusted and one of the main things we should all want from a drinking buddy is for them to be trustworthy.
Also, it’s Cersei.
I don’t think I need to say anything else.
23. Jorah Mormont
I like Jorah but I am not the least bit interested in listening to him go on and on and on about Daenerys while we’re sitting at a bar.
My dude. I get it. She’s hot (literally.) But Jorah is so deep in the Friend Zone he might as well buy some real estate because he’s never ever leaving. And he doesn’t even know it! You definitely get the feeling that he still thinks he has a chance and dude.
We’ve all had to listen to a friend talk about someone who’s just not that into them in the way they are interested in that person. It’s a tough business; it involves a lot of head-nodding and avoiding eye contact.
You really just want the conversation to be over but it goes on forever as your friend breaks down every interaction they’ve had with their obsession and how this thing that person said could mean this or a certain text message could mean that.
It’s exhausting, and as a result, hanging out with Jorah would be exhausting.
Hey, speaking of exhausting, nothing says exhausting like hanging out with your super religious friend who is doing all they can to try and convert you, right?
Let’s put it this way Melisandre: unless the Lord of Light is buying our drinks, we don’t have much to talk about.
21. Beric Dondarrion
Pro: his flaming sword is pretty sweet.
Con: more droning on about the Lord of Light.
More flaming sword, less religion and this could work.
20. Yara Greyjoy
I’ve made my feelings about the Greyjoys pretty clear, but in case you’ve forgotten, they’re not positive. Even their home, the Iron Islands, is junk. I’d rather listen to Melisandre or Beric ramble about the Lord of Light than hang out on the Iron Islands with a Greyjoy.
However, if I’m killing time and having some drinks on a boat, Yara seems like a quality hang.
19. The Hound
Cranky? Yes. Kind of a monster dick? Totally. Prone to drop the “c” word way more times than you’d be comfortable with? 100%.
With that being said, he’s shown some redeeming qualities these past few seasons and for one night and one night only, you could be stuck with worse people in Westeros to kill some time with.
No Statue of Liberty shots, though.
There’ll be a lot of judging and snide comments with this dude, that’s for damn sure.
If you can stomach those and not let them bother you, Varys is a well-traveled man and a man who has certainly seem some crazy shit in his life. I bet he’d be a solid bar hang, one with plenty of interesting stories and entertaining anecdotes.
Varys loves himself some gossip too and I’m not going to lie: I quite enjoy some gossip myself. Who doesn’t?
17. Grey Worm
I can’t wait to see Grey Worm go up against the White Walkers. That shit is going to be awesome. He’s mesmerizing in combat, the way he effortlessly spins his spear around and slices through people. He’s like the Allen Iverson of the Unsullied.
Side note: I feel like Grey Worm would be a hell of a basketball player. If Westeros was fielding a team to defeat the Walkers, what would it look like? Probably something like this:
- PG: Jon Snow
- SG: Grey Worm
- SF: Tormund
- PF: Bronn
- C: Brienne
Have Euron, Arya, Gendry, and The Night King coming off the bench and that’d be a pretty solid team.
16. Daenerys Targaryen
If we’re picking who I think should sit on the Iron Throne, then yes, I’m all for Daenerys. But if I’m picking someone to sit on a bar stool with me, I’m not so sure. For starters, would I have to refer to her as her full name, complete with all of the titles?
Could I just call her Dany? I mean, I know I’m no Jon Snow (few of us are) but there has to be a workaround here. Plus my memory is shit. There’s no way I’m getting all of that right and I’m not about to eff something up in front of her. Not with one of her dragons sitting on the stool next to her eye-balling me the whole time.
I think if you get Dany to drop her guard some, relax, and ease up on the whole “The throne is rightfully mine” bit, she’d be kind of fun to hang out with. Like Varys, she’s been around and seen some shit and would have no shortage of things to talk about.
I don’t want to be there when someone gets her drink order wrong, but provided we can avoid that, I think we could have a pretty wonderful time, just me and the Dragon Queen—which would definitely be the title of the book I write about our night.
You gotta be opportunistic, kid. It’s all about those tell-all memoirs.
15. Brienne of Tarth
Ah yes, “the big woman” (as Tormund calls her). Theirs is the relationship we’re all rooting for and hoping to all the gods, both the old and the new, happens.
I’m not sure if Brienne should be lower on this list or higher so I suppose her sitting right smack in the middle makes sense. Perhaps it makes the most sense to think of her like Daenerys: if you could get her to ease up on the reins a little bit and chill on her duties of protecting the Stark girls for a moment, I think Brienne could be fun.
She could also definitely drink you under the table.
14. Arya Stark
Oh boy. Arya.
Can Arya keep her cool and not get all weird? Can she make it through at least a beer or two before stabbing someone and cutting their face off, something that might be slightly frowned upon in any respectable watering hole? I think that’s going to play a big role in the decision.
When Arya rolled back into Winterfell last season, she was definitely giving off those “I Just Got Back From a Semester Abroad” vibes and I think we can all agree that as far as vibes go, they are low on the list of popularity.
“It’s just that after spending time abroad I look at things differently now and I just think if you’re going to drink beer, it should be warm and Americans just need to relax more and not focus so much on work; really enjoy life and…”
OH MY GOD SHUT THE EFF UP! YOU WENT TO LONDON FOR TWO MONTHS! YOU’RE THE SAME PERSON!
Sorry. That might have been about someone else.
13. Samwell Tarly
I love Sam. Who doesn’t? That dude should have died so long ago! But he keeps on kicking and now he’s got a lady and a kid and our boy’s all grown up.
As a dad, I think Sam would respect my desire to not stay out too late and as two dads hanging out, it’s really only a matter of time before we start talking about trying to watch sports when our kid is in the room and how dope chicken fingers are.
If there is a knock on Sam, it’s that he spends a lot of time reading, which means the dangers of him constantly referring to something he’s read recently are very clear and very present.
Sam would definitely read Pitchfork and like a lot of us, would think their reviews can be a little too harsh at times.
Pod’s done some living over the past few years and would probably enjoy a nice chill night drinking some beers and talking fantasy football. Brienne hasn’t wanted to hear about his team and Tyrion only talked about his own, which was surprisingly not as good as he made it out to be.
For once, Podrick would just like to talk about how frustrating it was last season having Tom Brady at quarterback and having A.J. Green, who either can’t stay healthy or has to deal with Andy Dalton throwing him passes.
He has also no idea what he’ll do for keepers heading into next season and neither do you. No one does.
Because fantasy football was invented by the devil.
I don’t have a bad word to say about Gilly. She seems delightful and I enjoy hanging out with delightful people.
Also, like Sam, she’s a parent, and if we’re going to call it a night early because we’ve been up a long time thanks to our kids being up and at ’em before sunrise, she would be totally cool with it.
10. Jon Snow
Man, this is becoming a trend.
Like with Daenerys and Brienne and probably one or two other people, I think if Jon Snow could relax for a couple of hours and forget about this incoming invasion of ice zombies he could be pretty chill to hang out with.
Now, I get that asking him to forget about the Night King and his crew is a big ask, but it would be a necessary one.
You think I didn’t notice the chill in the air, Jon? I’m human. I get outside. I’m not Cersei for crying out loud. At this point, we all know winter is right around the corner.
Listen. Jon. We know bad shit is coming in hot and all, but there’s nothing we can do about it now homie. Let’s just have a few beers, a few laughs, share a few stories about fornicating in nature and we’ll tackle all that stuff later.
What’s the worst that can happen, my dude?
Maybe we’ll just make it one beer.
9. Tyrion Lannister
When I was talking about this list with my wife, she was surprised that I would have Tyrion so low. And I get that.
One of the main things that Tyrion has become known for is his drinking. By all accounts, he seems like he’d be fun to hang out and drink with. You’d play some games, share some jokes and embarrassing stories and, if the situation were to present itself, take a piss off the edge of The Wall.
You can’t really knock that. Sounds like a good time.
Yet where I get hung up with Tyrion is simple. He’s a tricky little dude and a fast talker. I’m not saying I’m a super vulnerable drunk but I am someone who can be easily persuaded to do a dumb thing or two after a few beers and Tyrion is the perfect person to talk someone like me into making bad decisions.
This says more about me than him, but folks, this is the Internet. It’s always more about you than someone else.
Come on. This is great.
No, you’re the worst joke I ever heard Grey Worm.
Sorry. That was mean.
Just don’t come at my girl Missandei like that, okay?
Dog owners, where you at?
Anyone who owns or has owned a dog can tell you that there is something pure and beautiful about sitting on a deck or on a beach or on the side of a mountain or anywhere really and having a beer while your dog sits next to you. Dogs just get it, man. I think they understand us better than we understand ourselves.
In a crazy, fast-moving world, sometimes the best peace and quiet we can attain is in the company of a dog.
Settle down, cat owners. We all know cats are great to watch when you’re stoned.
6. Jaime Lannister
To be clear, we are talking about the Jaime Lannister who, like us, is heading into season eight.
This isn’t the Jaime who pushed Bran out the window or did a litany of unspeakable things at the behest of his nutjob sister. This is the Jaime who has realized that his sister is a monster and this is the Jaime who helped his wrongly imprisoned brother go free. This is the Jaime who hangs out with Bronn and who was rightfully uncomfortable with the idea of everyone knowing that he was having sex with his sister.
That’s the Jaime we’re talking about.
That Jaime has become a pretty solid dude and now that he’s distanced himself from Cersei, he seems like a guy who could use a few beers and someone to drink them with.
I’m down with The New Jaime and going out for drinks with him, provided I can call him the Beer Slayer at some point.
Guys, he’s not Podrick. He’s Gendry.
He can row a boat, like, super far and he can run, like, super fast. Gendry might actually be the best athlete in Westeros. Once this whole battle versus the dead and who should be sitting on the Iron Throne stuff gets settled, they should really look into starting an Olympics-style competition.
Tyrion would be an amazing head of an Olympic committee. Homeboy would love all the bribes.
4. Sansa Stark
As with Jaime, this is the Right Now Sansa we’re talking about, and the Right Now Sansa is a straight up boss lady.
She’ll come to your happy hour but she’s ordering something that’s not on the menu that she had while on a business trip to Essos and you better believe the bartender is going to find a way to make it.
Then she’s getting you free apps because the bathroom isn’t clean and before you know it, you’re on to another bar because she’s meeting a client from Bear Island there and the sushi at that place is the bomb.
Earlier, I said I wanted Daenerys to win but Sansa is my number two pick—especially after she got rid of Littlefinger. Game of Thrones is all about strong women and Sansa has proven to be one of the more resilient ones vying for the Throne. She’s been face to face with the monsters and is the only one still standing.
Sansa Stark isn’t effin’ around and I’m here for it.
3. Ser Davos Seaworth
Davos is yet another well-traveled character and surely one who has endless stories to tell while saddled up to a bar. I want to know more about the smuggling game and, more importantly, how one gets into the smuggling game. Do I personally want to get into the smuggling game? I don’t know. That’s why I want to know more about it.
Also, does fermented crab really help with erections? That seems like something worth exploring and, if true, another reason to love crab.
Additionally, how does one become known as The Onion Knight? Is it from smuggling onions or is it because of something actually cool, like disguising whatever it is you’re smuggling with the powerful smell of onions?
Maybe Davos cries a lot and that’s where the name comes from. Maybe Davos is a sucker for romantic comedies and loses it every single time he watches one. It’s possible. I’d imagine that the life of a smuggler would lend itself to periods of downtime and movies are great for filling the void.
It wouldn’t be an exciting night hanging out with Davos but I would bet a boatload of fermented crab that it would be an enjoyable one.
It’s amazing to think that when we first met Tormund, he was a bad guy and part of the Wildling crew that captured Jon and then led an ill-fated assault on Castle Black, which seems like it happened sooooooooo long ago.
We were all so young back then. So innocent and carefree.
Now Tormund is number three on Jon’s call list after Ghost and Davos and when it looked like he was a goner in the season seven finale—a casualty of the Night King’s destruction of The Wall by Eastwatch—that might have been the thing that stuck with us the most.
Yes, The Wall had fallen and yes, that’s terrible. But dude, WHAT HAPPENED TO TORMUND?!
Well, he’s been in trailers for this upcoming season, so I guess he’s fine.
Whew. Close one.
Tormund has become one of the most likable characters on the show, one of those with the best Q rating; his favorables are off the charts. Whether it’s eyeing up Brienne, interacting with Jon or straight up wrecking shit in battle, he’s must-watch television.
He also might die this season and I’m not prepared for it.
Last season there was a moment that really scrambled my emotions. It was during the Loot Train Battle in episode four and for the first time, characters we liked were on opposing sides. On one side was Team Daenerys, and on the other, there was Jaime and Bronn trying to make sure what was left of that division of the Lannister army didn’t get massacred.
At that point, Jamie wasn’t completely in the clear but Bronn, well, Bronn’s been our dude since he first showed up back in the first season and was Tyrion’s champion in a trial by combat in the Eyrie. Since then, he’s been one of the few constants in our Game of Thrones-centric lives.
But during that Loot Train Battle, shit got weird.
I wanted a draw. But Game of Thrones doesn’t do draws.
Or maybe they do? I suppose that was kind of a draw because neither Bronn nor Daenerys died. Man, Game of Thrones really has me preconditioned to expect the worst.
However, when it comes to Bronn, I expect the best and that’s why he’s ranked number one.
Bronn is chill when he needs to be, ready for action when he needs to be, and down for damn near anything when he needs to be. A night with Bronn could go in a variety of directions and for the most part they all seem like good options to me.
Ser Bronn of the Blackwater.
Giddy up, ser. Let’s do this.
Check out our other Drinking Buddy Rankings