LeBron James Gifts 5-Year-Old Daughter An Actual Small Home For Her Birthday

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Do you know what my father gifted me for my birthday?

Trick question, my father doesn’t know my birthday. My dad has been a bricklayer for four decades, breaking his back for a son destined to disappoint. I know when my mom writes “Love Mom and Dad” on the card, it’s the very first time he’s seeing it, and I will give him a free pass until I die.

Dad, if you’re reading this, no, I do not yet have any equity in a real estate. I’m just here to relay the news that a five-year-old does.

LeBron James, back from the bubble with a Larry O’Brien trophy and a generous spirit, gifted his soon-to-be six-year-old daughter Zhuri a mini-house in the back yard of one of his three Los Angeles mansions. The structure includes a couch, a tiny dining area, and a kitchen.

LeBron ain’t stupid. I can’t help but think this was less of an act of altruism and more to give his young daughter reprieve from the ass whooping he’s delivering Bronny for smoking illegal drugs.





Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.