Ho Hum, The Lincoln Tunnel Sprung A Leak With Traffic Completely Stopped During Rush Hour

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Oh that looks fun! Usually the elevated heart rates in the Lincoln Tunnel are a result of traffic, which may or may not be caused by Chris Christie’s personal vendettas. Not today though; today, we’ve got water coming in, reminding everyone stuck in standstill traffic that they are, in fact, underwater. Hope you’ve got your Calm app handy.

What do you do in this situation? The Lincoln Tunnel is 1.5 miles long. That means at worst, you’re dead center and you’ve got .75 miles to jog to freedom. In all likelihood it’s less. I’ve seen enough AllState commercials to know that you should be in good hands if you surrender your car to the Hudson. I’m trusting my cardio and hoofing it. If I have to swim the last 200 meters, they’ll name a CrossFit WOD after me. Could be worse.

How about the calmness of this guy’s voice though? Dude, find something to live for. You’re dead inside. Get on Hinge or something. Adopt a pet. Start a vegetable garden. Do something because this is NOT the level of panic you expect from someone enjoying his life.

Last thing—dive into the replies of this tweet. It’s a geological bloodbath.

GRANITE.

SCHIST!

SCHIST IS GRANITE!!

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