Mad Genius Dreams Up Fake Murder Scene In Attempt To Force Police To Plow His Road


What would you do to avoid being snowed in with your mom and her new boyfriend, occasionally stepping away to take a “nap” while you tune into your 13th straight episode of Ridiculousness. There is only so much abuse one man can take.

A premise similar to this unraveled in the village of Grybova Rudnya, Ukraine which found itself under 20 inches of snow as the Baltic country continues to get dumped on at a record-setting pace.

Trapped under the same roof with his mother and her partner, an intrepid man created an elaborate scheme to GTF out of dodge.

Yes, you guessed it: confessing to a fictitious murder so police would clear the road to his home en route to arrest him.

Via Guardian:

The man called police on Saturday evening to tell them he had killed his mother’s partner by stabbing him in the chest.

“But at the same time he immediately warned the police that they should come with a snowplough, because there is no other way to get to him,” said Yuliya Kovtun, a police spokesperson, on Monday.

She said officers did not take a snowplough and were able to get to the man’s house in an SUV.

“Immediately after arriving, they discovered that the relative was indeed at the house, but in one piece and unharmed. No one had attacked him,” she said, adding that the “killer” immediately confessed to making a fake call.

Municipal services claimed to have plowed the road earlier on Saturday but he “was not satisfied with the quality of the clearing,” hence the tale of homicide.

Instead of spending a lifetime in a cage with a cell mate who isn’t his mom’s boyfriend, the man may escape with only a fine of up to 119 hryvnias ($4.27).

Sure this guy is probably a sociopath, but anyone who lives in a snow-heavy region can feel this poor bastard’s pain, and many of us don’t even have to force small talk with our moms’ boyfriends.

P.S. Ukraine plows be SLACKIN’

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.