The World Isn’t Ready For Just How Awful ‘Space Jam: A New Legacy’ Is Going To Be

Space Jam New Legacy terrible movie

Warner Bros.

I’ve probably watched Space Jam no less than a dozen times since it came out in 1996, so I feel pretty confident in issuing what some people might view as a Hot Take but which I would argue is an objective fact: Space Jam is not a good movie.

Like many kids who grew up in the 1990s, I became absolutely obsessed with Space Jam after I saw it in theaters, which is less of a testament to the quality of the movie and more of a reflection of the tastes of a kindergartener who’d previously viewed Dustin Checks In as the apex of cinema.

In the decades since, Space Jam has proven it possesses a nostalgic half-life that rivals the radioactive waste encased inside the ruins of Chernobyl. While the 88-minute masterclass in corporate synergy may not hold up to our collective childhood memories, it’s still a fairly beloved (and admittedly entertaining) movie capable of transporting the people who fell in love with it 25 years ago back to a simpler time.

If you need any proof of its staying power, you don’t have to look any further than the insane amount of hype surrounding a sequel that was first rumored to be in the works all the way back in 2014. It took four years for LeBron James to confirm he was starring in the follow-up, although we soon learned we’d have to wait for another three before getting the chance to see it.

When you consider the premise of the original Space Jam revolves around the Looney Tunes kidnapping Michael Jordan into their cartoon world to avoid being enslaved at a theme park run by aliens who use a magical basketball to suck the talent out of some of the biggest names in the NBA, you’d think it’d be hard for the sequel to be any more absurd.

However, it seemed like the team behind it had really managed to outdo themselves based on the plot synopsis that was released last year, and when the first trailer for what’s been dubbed Space Jam: A New Legacy officially dropped back in April, it was met with a fair amount of skepticism from a lot of fans who weren’t really sure what the hell was going on.

When the movie was in development, the director of Space Jam seemed fairly doubtful the sequel would be capable of capturing the magic of the first one. Charles Barkley expressed a similar sentiment when he questioned if the world even needed a sequel in the first place, and based on a couple of clips that recently surfaced, the answer would appear to be a resounding “Hell no.”

On Thursday, we were, um, treated to a preview of two scenes I can only hope require the context we’ll get when Space Jam: A New Legacy drops on July 16th. If the initial trailer left you with any doubts Warner Bros. will be shoehorning its intellectual property into the movie at basically every possible turn, this footage of Speedy Gonzales channeling his inner Neo in The Matrix says all you need to know.

However, the sense of dread that clip instilled in me had nothing on what I felt when another surfaced two hours later to all but confirm Space Jam: A New Legacy is shaping up to be a crime against cinema that should be tried in The Hague.

Why’s that? Well, if you don’t want to waste a minute of your life you will never, ever get back, there are only four words you need to know: Porky Pig Rap Battle.

There aren’t any words I can combine to truly capture the palpable sadness radiating from these previews, and while I’m still going to watch Space Jam: A New Legacy the day it hits HBO Max, I will now be going into it with negative expectations. If you want to avoid some truly soul-crushing disappointment, it seems safe to say you should do the same.

Connor O'Toole avatar
Connor Toole is the Deputy Editor at BroBible. He is a New England native who went to Boston College and currently resides in Brooklyn, NY. Frequently described as "freakishly tall," he once used his 6'10" frame to sneak in the NBA Draft and convince people he was a member of the Utah Jazz.