New Study Finds That People Who Don’t Drink Are Just As Likely To Bang Out Sick From Work Than Raging Alcoholics

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My grandfather always told me ‘never trust a person who doesn’t drink.’ I think he said something about them not trusting themselves or something. I couldn’t tell, he was always slurring his words. Well papa would be smiling in his grave if he found out science helped support his claim that non-drinkers can’t be relied on.

A new study which was published in the journal Addiction found that alcohol abstainers were at higher risk of absence from the workplace than low-risk drinkers. People who said they drank moderately (for men, between one and 34 weekly servings) did not have as many sick days.

The study surveyed 47,500 respondents  across Finland, France and the United Kingdom and asked them about alcohol use and the number of sick days reported over the course of four to seven years, ABC reports.

Those most likely to be absent from work for the most amount of days were located at the two extremes: abstainers and the higher-volume drinkers referred to as “at-risk.” It should be noted that no alcohol use in the survey had a higher risk of “sickness absence” due to mental disorders and various physical sicknesses. High-volume “at-risk” drinkers in the study were also at increased risk of absence due to injury or poisoning.

Moral of the story: moderation is key. Unless the party fun, then fuck it, your employer probably won’t fire you anyway.

[h/t ABC]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.