Tekashi 6ix9ine Is On To Something With Justin Bieber And Ariana Grande Buying Their Billboard #1

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Is it just me, or does Tekashi 6ix9ine seem… trustworthy? I’m not going to grant him guardianship of my children upon my untimely demise but I have to say, I’m starting to believe the steam that spews from his blowhole. He has no enemies left to make because he’s made them all. He’s at terminal enemy velocity. A man like that, with nobody left to alienate, is someone to heed indeed. I can’t much account for the sorority sister’s pajamas he has perched on his head (below), but I won’t dismiss him out of hand, as I once did.

Is his delivery a bit disjointed and clumsy? Sure. Did that apple metaphor nearly ctrl-alt-delete his brain? Seemed so. Does he sound like a 3rd grader presenting an undercited project on orca whales? Yep. Is it difficult to spot him because he’s wearing white against a cream staircase? Uh-huh. But if Tekashi 6ix9ine went to the trouble of familiarizing himself with excel spreadsheets, you know he means business. That thing is covered in VLookups.

These are not the ravings of a madman. This is researched, document-driven evidence of Billboard trading on its name. And if you’re still having doubts, check out the RESPONSES from Ariana and Justin:

Wow. Lotta words. Lotta typing to address the baseless blathering of the industry’s most lionized villain. Seems like Tekashi struck quite a nerve. If Ariana and Justin are both taking the time to write long, detailed responses to his claims, it means something. Honestly, if this dude…

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What did u say? 🥴

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… can get under the skin of two of the world’s most successful artists, it means he’s hit upon something real. Call me crazy but if Tekashi’s logic were completely flawed, you gotta believe Justin and Ariana laugh it off. Ignore it. Send him clown emojis. Anything other than a detailed, lawyerly defense + explanation of how credit cards work.

When I started writing this blog, I was kidding. But now I’ve convinced myself. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande are essentially click-farming their way to the top of the charts. And we have Tekashi 6ix9ine to thank for blowing the case wide open.

Alternatively, it’s possible that Ariana Grande and Justin Bieber collaborating on a single might land them the #1 spot. Some might even call it likely. That’s possible too.

But I prefer Tekashi’s theory.

 

PS- this is breathtaking stuff from Andrew Schulz