This Gigantic Rat Who Somehow Managed To Find It’s Way INSIDE An NYC MetroCard Machine Will Haunt Your Dreams


After five years of living in this disgusting, beautiful bitch known as New York City, I am moving back to Boston, my homeland, in April.

It is bittersweet, as I begrudgingly submitted to the objective truth that this is the greatest city in the world. It has to be, otherwise no one would put up with the taxes, or the rent, or the sidewalks smelling like hot ass, or the sirens blaring on loop, or Times Square, or the homeless man sleeping in the foyer of my apartment building, or the sweltering subway platforms in the summer, or all the elite talent that has shut me down at bars, or HOLY SHITBALLS IS THAT A FUCKING DINOSAUR IN THE METROCARD MACHINE?!?!


The thing about New York is that this is an average Tuesday morning. Wake up, check email, make coffee, pet the fucking rat in the subway machine, work 12 hours a day and have a misplaced sense of pride about it, and eventually die.

The circle of life. A past life for me. PEACE!

[h/t The Big Lead]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.