Vice Article Claiming Brooklyn BBQ Is Taking Over The World Is Getting Smoked On Twitter

by 3 years ago
bbq smoked brisket

Shutterstock / Roland Oster

Imagine a world where Arizona has America’s best skiing, Cincinnati is home to the country’s best sports teams, and Florida is the most law-abiding state in the union. What would that even look like? In order to try to comprehend that bizarre alternate universe, we need to suspend ourselves from reality and go to a place where fiction becomes fact. Where up is down. Left is right. Where The Emoji Movie won this year’s Best Picture.

Where Onion headlines masquerading as real journalism thrives.

For example:

Now before I throw a tantrum online, I’d like to taper my outrage by reminding myself of all the shameful drivel I’ve written on the internet over the years. I mean, really, some reprehensible finger diarrhea. But you only really know it’s diarrhea until some middle-aged Twitter user with a webcam selfie and sad eyes tells you that you suck at your job. A rude awakening from Bruce from Mobile, Alabama.

But, as an outside looking in, I know shit when I know shit. And Vice’s Munchies vertical crowing Brooklyn BBQ as the world’s best is not only false, it’s pompous and irresponsible.

The article claims that Brooklyn’s style of BBQ is “spreading, very quickly and without warning, to every fucking corner of the world.”

I live in Brooklyn. And I live so close to Fette Sau I could throw a pair of tortoise shell eyeglasses and a War On Drugs vinyl there. On its best day (and the quality fluctuates day-to-day), it’s a good feed. On its worst, you’ll feel violated spending far too much money on far too little. You see that photo in the tweet above? Don’t let the portion size convince you that is a photo from Riker’s Island State Penitentiary, that’s Fette Sau.

Anyone who has been to Franklin BBQ in Austin or Martin’s in Nashville or Dreamland in Alabama or the countless BBQ joints in Kansas City could not, in good conscience, write about the superiority of Brooklyn’s BBQ scene.

And that was made abundantly clear with the BBQ backlash from this piece.

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California for best BBQ, no doubt in my mind.

A post shared by Tatered (@tateredvideo) on

I send my sincerest apologies.

Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.

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