Weather Caused Trains To Stop Running From Grand Central Station Last Night And It Looked Like Hell On Earth

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They say there is no place like New York and that’s not what I’m here to argue. I’ve lived in the Big Apple aka The City That Never Sleeps aka The City Where Its Totally Normal For A Homeless Person To Shit In A Subway Cart for almost 3.5 years now and the experience has been well worth going bankrupt to pay rent here.

With that said, there are many times during my weeks here where I fantasize about moving to the woods of Montana, living off the land, and tending to some sheep. Those fantasies materialized primarily when I get a particularly repulsive whiff of diarrhea from the heaps of trash thrown on the sidewalks every six feet. Or when I start to forget what a tree looks like.

Yesterday was one of those times. Weather-induced transit-service cancellations out of Grand Central Terminal caused several hundred people to stuff themselves into the terminal and figuratively hold their dicks in their hands waiting to go home. I need my inhaler just looking at these photos.

Now if this was a community like Fargo, South Dakota, this situation would be more civilized. But this is in New York. There is zero sense of community. Everyone hates each other. This is not hyperbole speak. If you don’t believe me, go to New York, and smile and wave at a stranger walking down the street. More often than not, they will pepper spray you or write in their blog how they felt personally violated.

God. Montana sounds nice right about now. Are there jobs there?

 

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.