Woman Gets Pulled Over. Tells Cops: ‘I Have To Poop So Bad.’ Leads Police On High-Speed Chase. Gets Arrested.

Everyone thinks about using the excuse of an emergency bowel movement as a way to get out of a speeding ticket, but nobody actually attempts this Hail Mary attempt because it is so preposterous. Nobody except Emily Sindt Owings. During a recent traffic stop, this Oklahoma woman pulled the “I have to poop” excuse out of her ass. When her fecal plea didn’t work, she took police on a high-speed chase. As one does.

Around 9 a.m. on September 15, Owings was pulled over by police in the town of Enid for not wearing a seatbelt. When asked for identification, the woman allegedly provided the officer with her medical marijuana card. Right at this moment, you strap in because you know this is going to be a wild ride. She wasn’t able to provide a driver’s license because it had been revoked. She also did not have car insurance.

Owings attempted to avoid arrest by telling the officer, “It’s my birthday. It’s my fucking birthday.” Unfortunately for Owings, this is real life and not kindergarten, which means that bad behavior has repercussions, even if it is your very special birthday.

Owings then discharged excuse #2: “I have to poop so bad,” she informed the officer. Bold strategy.

Owings is seen on police bodycam asking the cop, “Why won’t you just let me go?” To which the officer responded, “Because your license is suspended!”

The police officer discovered that Owings has outstanding warrants in another county. When the officer tells Owings that Woods County police are coming to arrest her, she reacts by saying, “No they are not! Fuck you guys!” She slams her car door and speeds off.

Police pursue Owings, who leads cops on a high-speed chase, according to KFOR. The Enid Police Department said the driver “led officers on a pursuit for several blocks, reaching speeds of 70 mph in a 30 mph zone, past an elementary school.” Finding a public restroom while driving is difficult enough, finding a public restroom with police chasing you must be downright nerveracking.

Owings eventually surrendered to police, who had their guns drawn. You would surmise that Owings would be scared shitless, but apparently not. While guns were pointed at her head and she was being escorted into the police cruiser, she asked police officers, “Can I poop in your car, man?” Let’s hope that the police have leather seats and not cloth.

“You could’ve already been on your way to jail,” the officer told her, to which she replied, “Yeah, but not pooping!” You have to respect Owings’ dedication to her shitty narrative.

Police said they found a pipe with meth inside her truck. An interesting tidbit, WebMD notes that side effects of methamphetamine include constipation and diarrhea. So this feculent situation could have been a real crapshoot.

Owings was booked into the Garfield County Detention Center on charges that include reckless driving, driving under suspension, and possession of drug paraphernalia, according to police. Authorities did not reveal if the woman made it to the lavatory in time or not.