The criminally under-celebrated 10 year anniversary of Jadakiss’ “Why” came and went this past July without mention–a borderline national tragedy. It has been hard to let a day go by over the past six months without ANY type of recognition, but today is the day that I speak up. Today is the day that someone, for no reason at all, answers all of the questions in “Why.”
Best to hit play now.
Yo, why is Jadakiss as hard as it gets?
Yonkers is a pretty rough city and, let’s be honest, you don’t seem like the type of guy that embraces the use of moisturizer on a regular basis.
Why is the industry designed to keep the artist in debt?
Short answer: Capitalism. Long answer: Steve Jobs and his tiny, invisible iTunes robots that took money out of your wallet, probably
And why them dudes ain’t riding if they part of your set?
It depends. Are you, like, trying to get some Wendys or are we going to break into a house to shoot some people?
And why they never get it popping but they party to death?
We just want to get drunk on someone else’s dime and have sex with the girls that you don’t want to have sex with without worrying about jail or death. Simple as that.
Yea, and why they gonna give you life for a murder?
If you kill someone, that’s pretty bad, but if it was in self-defense there is a nifty little gray-area that the legal system sorts out. Might need to dust off my non-existent JD for this one.
Turn around only give you eight months for a burner? It’s going down
Ya know, killing someone is VERY different than not killing someone. Does the penalty fit the crime? Fuck if I know – this is getting too real for me. Next question.
Why they selling n****s CD’s for under a dime?
I’m not going to sugarcoat this one, Jada, but this is below even the bootleg market value. You might need to invest in Quickbooks or Excel or something, man.
And if it’s all love, daddy, why you come with your 9?
You’re richer than me and get more girls than me. Why else do dudes fight?
Why my n****s ain’t get that cake?
Poor distribution of revenue, terrible spending habits, abysmal investments – I don’t know, I’m just spit balling.
Why is a brother up north better than Jordan that ain’t get that break?
Honestly, not sure. This shit needs to be a 30 for 30.
Why you don’t stack instead of trying to be fly?
Have to respect Jada for advising us to save, invest and make sound financial decisions. That said, trying to be fly is of UTMOST importance 24/7, so this is kind of a Catch 22.
Why is ratting at an all-time high?
Looked this up and it’s true that ratting hit it’s apex in the Summer of 2004. It has since leveled. Related – “Snitches get Stitches” was not officially implemented yet, so I guess that might explain it, too.
Why are you even alive?
Mama Dub and Papa Dub had a little sex, Mama Dub got pregnant and she gave birth. That’s it. No need to get super deep on the track.
Why they kill 2pac n’ Chris?
Pac’s alive and Biggie was going to get killed by the LDL Cholesterol gang at some point. Died too soon, though.
Why, at the bar, you ain’t take straight shots instead of poppin Cris?
Not made of money, bruh. Can we get these fireball shots off in peace?
Why them bullets have to hit that door?
Someone aimed a gun at the door, most likely.
Why did Kobe have to hit that raw?
Because HOW ELSE are you going to eat tuna tartare?! Don’t be a peasant, Jada.
Why’d he kiss that whore?
Has anyone ever hooked up without kissing? Seriously. Seems weird, yet unbelievably admirable.
Why do n****s push pounds and powder?
So we can start poppin’ Cris instead of taking straight shots. Make up your mind!
Why did Bush knock down the towers?
Why you around them cowards?
My friends? Let’s not resort to name calling. (It’s because I’m bigger than most of them and sneakily have a crippling inferiority complex)
Why Aaliyah have to take that flight?
Why my n***a D ain’t pull out his Ferrari?
Well, maybe he had a bike and wanted to reduce his carbon footprint.
Why he take that bike?
Why they gotta open your package and read your mail?
I don’t know, Jada. Maybe it’s because you rap about distributing cocaine 90% of the time.
Why they stop letting n****s get degrees in jail?
Because Professor Asshole CO doesn’t know how to teach a historically accurate version of the Renaissance Era.
Why you gotta do 85% of your time?
Shout out to arbitrary prison sentences!
And why do n****s lie in 85% of they rhymes?
BECAUSE NOT ALL OF US CAN AFFORD TO POP CRIS, JADA
Why a n***a always want what he can’t have?
Men, as a whole, are idiots. That’s why our life is a continuous quest to not fuck out lives up.
Why I can’t come through in the pecan Jag?
Because the mere idea of that car is ridiculous. You can’t bring that thing into Yonkers/anything above 175th street and expect to keep it.
Why did crack have to hit so hard?
Why n****s can’t get no jobs?
Why they come up with the witness protection?
Because some snitches, in fact, don’t get stitches. And time is a flat circle.
Why they let the Terminator win the election?
In retrospect, this was actually a really bad move. California had like four dollars to its name for about 5 years.
Come on, pay attention!
Dude, I am.
Why I sell in the stores what you could sell in the streets?
Not positive, but that sure does sound like the exact wrong way to do things.
Why I say the hottest shit but be sellin’ the least?
*Apprehensively pats Jadakiss on the back*
Why Halle have to let a white man pop her to get a Oscar?
Not sure. I’ll re-watch it a couple (ten) times to review and make sure.
Why Denzel have to be crooked before he took it?
Because Jesus Shuttlesworth beat him in one-on-one in “He Got Game”
Why they didn’t make the CL6 with a clutch?
Love the basic car maintenance question tossed in there– let me get Pep Boys on the horn real quick.
And if you don’t smoke why the hell you reaching for my dutch?!
My bad. We’re all just really drunk off the straight shots we took BECAUSE WE CAN’T AFFORD NO GOD DAMN CRIS, JADA.
Why rap? Cause I need air time
Ah, the infamous “I’ll answer my own rhetorical question” move. So devious.
Why be on the curb with a “Why lie? I need a beer” sign?
Better than a “Why lie? I need MAD crack and hypodermic needles” sign
Why all the young n****s is dying?
Probably all the gluten, peanuts and non-kale.
Why they ain’t give us a cure for AIDS?
(Ahem) *Cough* Magic *Cough* Johnson *Cough*
Why my diesel have fiends in the spot on the floor for days?
Yo, Jada, you should probably check and see if your weed was laced with cyanide.
Why you screaming like it’s a slug? It’s only the hawk
White people translation: gunshot = slug, knife = hawk. That said, a stabbing probably hurts a lot, too.
Why my buzz in L.A. ain’t like it is in New York?
Because you live in New York, rep New York and rap about New York a lot.
Why they forcing you to be hard?
Because they’re strippers, Jada.
Why ain’t you a thug by choice?
Sometimes the game chooses you and you don’t choose the game.
Why the whole world love my voice?
Probably that weird and VERY distinguishable sound you make in all of your songs.
And you know why they made the new twenties?
I believe it is because…
Cause I got all the old ones
The modern day “Why did the chicken cross the road?”, imo.