Chris Pratt’s Captions For His ‘Vanity Fair’ Photos Are The Funniest Ones You’ll Read All Day

Chris Pratt is one of the few men I actually follow on Instagram. And that’s because (a) he’s a certified bro king and (b) he’s funny as fuck.

So the other day I noticed that he posted a cover of the new Vanity Fair with his face on it so I read the caption. It was, as usual, hilarious.

Here’s what he said about the cover photo above…

This is a picture of me on the cover of@VanityFair that water was cold AF. The magazine is on newsstands now. Is news stands one word? Is it newsstands or news stands? Siri didn’t correct me and put a line underneath it so. That settles that. Anyways. You can go get it at the place where they sell magazines. Rite Aid or whatever. There is also an online version floating around somewhere. The article is very nice. Please read it. It talks about my upbringing and my faith. I remember seeing Heath Ledger on the cover of Vanity Fair when I was a kid. I read the article. Then one day I saw him driving through Hollywood. He had an awesome Ford Mustang. I drove a Suzuki Samurai at the time and was dead broke. Quick question… If a train of thought left my phone going 80 miles an hour due east- would it still be douchey to post more pics from my @vanityfair shoot?

Funny, right?

Then I noticed that Pratt started posting some more photos from the shoot and his commentary on those was equally hilarious. And he kept doing it. And doing it. And today I saw that he did it again. It was at this point that felt I just simply had to share.

Get ready to LOL…

Here’s me warming up after having to be in that freakin’ cold ass water forever.

Here’s me waiting for the photo shoot to start. I was like, “well guys, I’ll just chill over here by my race car and rub my neck real quick. You know what I’m sayin’.”

I remember drinking this beer at the photo shoot and it tasted so good. Which reminds me of the time my friend from work went out with me for beer at this place on sunset about 17 years ago and brought a pitcher to the table and I said, “What beer is that? No wait don’t tell me. Let me guess.” And I sipped it. “Newcastle!” He was like, “Yah that’s right…That’s probably not a good sign Chris”

And here I am casually sniffing my knuckles.

One more still from the @vanityfair photo shoot. I have to credit the brilliant photographer @markseliger who discovered me wedged between these two rocks. It took him all day to pull me out. I had been stuck there for hours. I had barely enough strength to stare pensively into the distance. I mean, it was bad. Anyways. I almost had to chew off the lower half of my body to get out. But I’m not flexible enough. Bottom line. I could have died. But thanks to the brilliant photographer @markseliger I’m alive to tell the story, which is currently being optioned for a movie.

I don’t know about you, but I hope this becomes a “thing” he does for all of his photo shoots from now on.

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