Every Bro Was So Gosh Dang Chill On ‘Game Of Thrones’ Last Night (Well, Except For A Few)



Can’t talk, too much chill.

But first, they few not chill folks from last night’s fantastic episode, The Battle of the Bastards.




Bring the giant back to life, bring the giant back to life WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT BRING THE GIANT BACK TO LIFE??

You better bring the fucking giant back to life.

Chill Bro Points: -250,000

The Knights of the Vale



If we have one inarguable stance in this column, it’s that melodramatically making your entrance at the expense of the lives of many, many other people you could be helping is not chill.

Chill Bro Points -200

These Massive Corpse Orgy Mounds




Chill Bro Points -100

Now, our favorites. We had to go over our usual five Bros, because gosh dang it, there was just so much fucking chill last night.

8. Tormund Giantsbane



Was completely and utter chill in battle. But I’m wondering, when did he become the wilding Amelia Bedalia?

Chill Bro Points: 100

7. Grey Worm



That, my friends, was some good ass knife slashing.

Chill Bro Points: 150

6. Daenerys Targaryen



Yara Greyjoy: I know, we can smash Westeros up with a baseball bat.

Daenery Targaryen: No baseball bat.

Chill Bro Points: 250

5. Daario Naharis



Look how joyful and blissful he is riding into battle on a horse. Find something in life that makes you that happy, Bros, even if it is indiscriminate slaughter.

Okay, maybe not if it’s indiscriminate slaughter.

Chill Bro Points: 500

4. Drogon



Now that, THAT, is how you god damn Dragon.

Chill Bro Points: 15,000

3. Jon Snow



I think that picture says it better than any words I could write.

Chill Bro Points: 50,000

2. Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun



If there’s a more valiant way of dying than smashing through a castle door and being brought down by a slew of approximately 75,000 arrow, I can’t think of it.

Chill Bro Points: 250,000

1. Sansa Stark




Chill Bro Points: 350,000

Disa-fucking-gree? Comments, my friends.

And now the rankings after nine episodes.

53. Melisandre: -250,500

52. Daenerys Targaryen: -13,750

51. The Children of the Forest: -10,000

T-49.The Hound: -5,000

T-49. Randall Tarly: -5,000

48. Jamie Lannister: -2,350

47. The High Sparrow: -1,900

46. Yara Greyjoy: -1,375

45. Tyrion Lannister: -1,050

T-41. The Original Three Eyed Raven: -1,000

T-41. Bran Stark: -1,000

T-41. Robert Glover: -1,000

T-41. Samwell Tarly: -1,000

40. Lyanna Mormont: -750

T-36. Septa Mordant: -500

T-36. Lord Varys: -500

T-36. Euron Greyjoy -500

T-36. Loras Tyrell: -500

35. Brynden Tully: -475

T-33. The Masters: -250

T-33. Ser Davos Seaworth: -250

T-31. Those Two Idiot Dothraki Bros: -200

T-31. The Knights of the Vale: -200

T-29. Jorah Mormont: -100

T-29. The Massive Corpse Orgy Mounds: -100

28. The Bernie Sanders Mother Fucker From Episode One: -50

27. The Waif: -25

26. Daario Naharis and Jorah Mormont’s Horses: 50

25. Cersei Lannister: 100

24. Grey Worm: 150

T-22. Roose Bolton: 200

T-22. The Dude Sucking On Some Titties: 200

T-20. Olenna Tyrell: 250

T-20. Brienne of Tarth: 250

T-17: The Dothraki: 400

T-17. Theon Greyjoy: 400

T-17. Robyn Arryn’s Gyrfalcon: 400

T-14. Ser Bronn: 500

T-14. Rhaegal and Viserion: 500

T-14. Ser Arthur Dayne: 500

13. The Mountain: 600

12. Arya Stark: 700

11. Ser Alliser Thorne: 750

10. Daario Naharis: 1,500

9. Tormund Giantsbane: 1,700

8. Ellaria Sand: 2,000

7. Lady Crane: 5,000

6. King Tommen Baratheon: 24,500

5. Drogon: 35,000

4. Jon Snow 50,500

3. Wun Wer Wun Dar Wun: 250,250

2. Sansa Stark: 350,300

1. Hodor: 27,000,000

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