Who Were The Chillest Bros On Sunday’s ‘Game Of Thrones?’

ghost

HBO

There’s a lot to be said for being chill. Good things happen when you are chill. Bad things happen when you are not chill. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the show Game of Thrones, where chill is hard to come by.

So who were the chillest Chill Bros on Sunday night?

First up, the non-chill Bros from Episode Seven: The Gift

Cersei Lannister

cersei

HBO

Look. It needs to be said.

ALL OF THIS IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT. Had you just had the king’s kids instead of using “other methods” (Note: The clip of her telling Ned Stark she didn’t let Robert Baratheon come in her hoohah is not easy to find on Google; ‘Cersei Lannister Robert Baratheon where he ejaculated Ned Stark’ yielded no results) none of this shit would be happening.

None of it. So basically, you are to blame for everything bad that has happened since the start of this story. Not chill, whatsover.

Also, I’m starting to think you don’t actually love your son the way you say you do. I think maybe you want to sleep with him.

Chill Bro Points: -10,000

Melisandre

melisandre

HBO

Asking a dude to kill his daughter is … uh …. yea  … ummm … don’t do that.

Chill Bro Points: -500

Daario Naharis

daario-naharis

HBO

“Come on. Let’s kill everyone and get married. It’ll be like Natural Born Killers or something. It’ll be fun. Come on. Let’s kill everybody.”

Chill Bro Points: -25

Now, for the Chill Bros.

5. Winter

winter

HBO

About fucking time you showed up.

Chill Bro Points: 100

4. Tyrion Lannister

tyrion-lannister

HBO

This was cool. This was very cool. That is all.

Chill Bro Points: 200

3. Samwell Tarly

samwell-tarly

HBO

A lot of dudes who want to lose their virginity resort to lying, pressuring, forcing, and guilting women into sleeping with them.

All Samwell Tarly had to do was take eight punches to the face.

Chill Bro Points: 500

2. Ghost

ghost

HBO

Discuss all you want David Benioff and D.B. Weiss retrograde attitudes toward women and their completely dense and dumb and horrific portrayals of sexual assault on the show. What speaks volumes to me is that five seasons in — through 47 episodes — the strongest anti-rape advocate that’s emerged is a dog.

Chill Bro Points: 1,000

1. The High Sparrow

the-high-septon

HBO

Damn. Fucking. Straight. Dude. Damn fucking straight.

Chill Bro Points: 2,000

Here are the rankings after seven episodes. Disagree? Take it to the comments.

1. Jon Snow: 499,950

2. Jaqen H’ghar: 9,950

T-3. Grey Worm: 1,700

T-3. The High Septon: 1,700

5. Ser Barristan Selmy: 1,300

T-6. Daenerys Targaryen : 1,000

T-6. Ghost: 1,000

T-6. Roose Bolton: 1,000

9. Maester Aemon: 600

T-10. The Wall: 500

T-10. Rhaegal And Viserion: 500

T-10. Poderick: 500

T-10. The Sand Snakes: 500

14. Samwell Tarly: 450

T-15. The Unsullied: 400

T-15. Ser Davos Seaworth: 400

17. Lord Varys: 300

T-18. The Sons of The Harpy: 200

T-18. Tyrion Lannister: 200

T-20. Winter: 100

T-20. Bronn the Sellsword: 100

T-20. Kevan Lannister: 100

T-20. Mance Rayder: 100

T-20: King Tommen Baratheon, First of His Name: 100

25. The Dude Boning Loras Tyrell: 0

26. Daario Naharis: -25

T-27. Arya Stark – 100

T-27. Stannis Baratheon: -100

T-27. Brienne of Tarth: -100

30. Myrcella Baratheon: -100

31. Melisandre: -400

32. Drogon: -500

33. The Sparrows: -1,000

34. Ser Jorah Mormont: -5,500

35: Lord Petyr Baelish -10,000

36. Cersei Lannister: -10,200

37. David Benioff and D.B. Weiss: Negative A Billion

Ramsey Bolton: Disqualified

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