Jake Paul Has Officially Killed Me And The Rest Of The Hating Media With His New Diss Track


I’d like to personally apologize to Jake Paul. A couple weeks back, I referred to the 20-year-old social media personality as an ‘ISIS recruitment tool‘ and his beloved friends he dubs Team10 a “crew of Hollister employees.” My vitriol was rooted in Paul’s predilection to hang out in a mansion all day doing lame contrived stunts with an excess of exuberance, relying on tired, overused pop culture references. Petty, I know. The dude is making millions from fangirls aged 10-16 and me and my $181.38 checking account balance can just sit and sulk.

Jake Paul and his hashtag squad recently came under fire for Jake giving his fans–known as Jake Paulers–his home address, allowing teenagers to regularly show up at West Hollywood house to watch him do *LIT* stunts like this one, pissing off the neighbors.

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Just when I thought my words had really gotten Jake to reconsider his lifestyle, he came out with this diss track to demonstrate the power of autotune and remind me that there is no stronger army than the Jake Paulers. Except the military. And literally anyone else. The Ohio-native rocks an Odell Beckham jersey in the video because Ohio is kinda close to New York and stuff. Makes sense. Check out the video below but make sure you got your A/C on full blast because this shit is hotter than a hooker in church.

Jake, please accept my peace treating. Just sign right there on the dotted line on MY ASS AFTER YA KISS IT!

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Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.