Jake Paul, Social Media ‘Personality’ And ISIS Recruitment Tool, Is Pissing People Off


There are pros and cons to working on the internet all day. Pros being I can work in my banana hammock and don’t ever have to look at Microsoft Excel. Cons being I get called a ‘sword swallower’ in the comment section and have to be ‘current’ on pop culture.

I could have lived my entire life without being introduced via world wide web to one Vine “star.” My life would have been all the better without knowing that there was a 20-year-old who makes millions of dollars for yelling into a camera and hanging out with his trust fund friends with meticulously manicured bangs being oh so ZANY while I eat canned sardines for my birthday dinner.

And then I caught wind of this dude Jake Paul, a Disney actor who has like 100 billion online followers, most of whom I have collared shirts older than. Jake and his crew of Hollister employees, he calls Team 10, hang out in a mansion all day doing lame contrived stunts with an excess of exuberance, relying on tired, overused pop culture references.

The whole #SQUAD is featured in this abortion on the ears which amassed over 71 million views and is being used as recruiting tool for ISIS, probably.

Well it looks like Jake and his crew of guys who shave their arms have been getting a little too *LIT* for their West Hollywood neighbors. His neighbors gripe is largely rooted in the fact that Jake gave his fans, known as Jake Paulers, his home address, so teenagers regularly show up at his house to watch him do stunts like lighting a mattress on fire in an empty pool.

KTLA’s Chris Wolfe went to Paul’s house to confront him about his neighborhood’s complaints, and, well…

Shit, why did I even write this blog. I’m so sorry to the innocent people getting shot everyday.

Thank you for enlightening me on the turmoil in our inner cities. I’m humbled. Now you and your crew of country club kids can get back to smashing veterans’ graves with your shirts off.

Oh sweet, it’s officially. I’ve now gone full ‘get off my lawn.’ All downhill from here.
[protected-iframe id=”aaa0d4aea5d9ffb06f169e5c046e7aa9-97886205-37946113″ info=”https://giphy.com/embed/e4Jyxh9zQjgnC” width=”480″ height=”456″ frameborder=”0″]


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.