I drain most of my paycheck into paying rent in an NYC apartment that is fit for a prisoner. My bedroom is made up of three fake walls. The last time I had sex, my roommates could hear the girl saying “Is it in yet?” Do you know how humiliating that is? But I’m hoping that since it was two years ago, they’ve forgotten by now. Point is, when you’re jealous of Jared Fogle for moving into a quaint one bedroom rent-free cell with free meals, it may be time to start thinking about moving to Cleveland. Or Afghanistan.
My dire living situation is only exacerbated by hearing the news that Jay-Z and Beyonce are reportedly interested in this $93 million home in Los Angeles’ swanky Holmby Hills area.
According to Daily Mail, the 2.13 acre property features ten bedrooms and TWENTY bathrooms. TWENTY. Which sounds even more excessive when you consider the very real possibility that Beyonce doesn’t poop. That’s like Ray Charles buying a mansion with twenty movie theaters. Or Vin Diesel moving into a mansion with an in-house barber shop.
The compound, which was built on the site of Barbra Streisand’s former estate Mon Reve, features a 5,300 square foot master bedroom, extensive private spa, indoor waterfall that drops into a lap pool, basketball court, tennis court, beauty salon, mani-pedi station, massage room, and steam facilities. I don’t even have a dishwasher.
Check it out in pictures, courtesy of realtor Coldwell Banker.
Now excuse me as I chase a cockroach around my shoe box.
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[h/t Daily Mail]