Jersey Shore’s Sammi Sweetheart And Ronnie Meatstick Are Back Together, Re-establishing Themselves As The World’s Worst Couple
Says a source: “They are seeing each other again, [but] taking it slower this time around. They were just in Mexico together as well. They have a lot of history.”
Here they are at Sammi’s recent birthday celebration, although you may not be able to recognize them without tears running down their faces.
Dear Sammi and Ronnie,
Are we doing this again, guys? Haven’t we all shed enough tears and endured enough nationally televised humiliation? What happened to the whole “never fall in love at the Jersey Shore” load of shit, huh Ron. How can you fall in love with a girl who can’t even pronounce your fucking name correctly, Rahnni?
I’m not speaking in hyperbole when I say that you two are less compatible than Johnny Manziel and Lena Dunham. You guys were on and off more times than The Situation’s tank top. I’d honestly be more on board if news came out that Ronnie was dating his own father. Oh cool, they both like baseball and get along fine. I can rationalize that. Someway, somehow. But going back to Sammi in 2016 is like going back to standard definition TV after peeping Blu-Ray. It’s going to work as well as a netted condom.
Actually, I take that all back–Sammi has aged like a 1968 Merlot. Solid work, Rahn. Break up with your dad now you fucking sicko.
Sammi, if you’re reading this, break up with Rahn and get with a slightly more out-of-shape dude. I guess I’ll wait until you two end it. Sometime after lunch.
[h/t E News]