If I did a complete lifestyle overhaul and changed my daily schedule to include nothing but eating, sleeping and trying to understand Kanye West, I still believe that I will never be able to fully understand him during my short time on this green Earth. There just isn’t enough time in the standard human lifespan to fully wrap my head around all of the ins-and-outs of such a complex character as his. Take his gifts to wife Kim on this past Mother’s Day. Less than four months ago Kanye pulled his whole “woe is me I’m poor” act on the world without ever explaining how or why he was poor. Personally, I was always of the opinion that Kanye was just saying that as part of an abysmal guerilla marketing campaign to convince people to buy his album. “I’m poor buy my album” is such a brilliant self-depreciating move that literally no one except Kanye could/would think to even pull it off.
Fortunately for Kanye, it seemed to have worked, because he dropped some serious “The Life of Pablo” money on Kimmy Kakes and their two children. Namely, a private orchestra performance in their living room:
Also, he bought her this bench covered in pink flowers because that’s totally where their guests will want to pop a squat.
This year I paid for my mom and dad to go to dinner on Mother’s Day. I actually didn’t even really pay for anything. I was bartending when they came in to eat so I just threw the bill in the garbage. And I thought that was really sweet. But Kanye’s out here making all us sons look like absolute fools. Guy bought her an orchestra. I don’t even think I could afford to buy my mom tickets to an orchestra.
The real question I have here is why Kanye went so above and beyond on Mother’s Day. If it was her birthday or an anniversary of the first they met/she put out for him, I could see why he went so crazy. But it’s Mother’s Day. Yes, she’s the mother of your children, but this seems a bit excessive since you’re literally celebrating the day that you no longer could cut ties and run away from the Kardashians without being liable for child support. And you’re apparently making fat stacks now, ‘Ye, that’s a lot of cheddar to divide in half. The question I’m getting around to asking is, at the end of the day, how often do these two refer to themselves as ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’? And, knowing as much about Kim and Kanye was we do, I can only assume they do most of this in bedroom. While role-playing. So either Kim is doing something so great she deserves a personal concert to celebrate it, or Kanye is doing something so bad that Kim deserves a concert for putting up with it.