12 Reasons Why ‘Baby Got Back’ Is Still The Ultimate Courtship Song

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In 1992 a rapper calling himself Sir Mix-A-Lot made a song about asses. They called it lewd. They banned the music video. Women protested the ‘objectionable lyrics.’ It went on to sell two million copies and become one of the most popular songs in music history.

But don’t stop there. ‘Baby Got Back’ was successful not just because it’s fun to shake your ass to. It carries a multi-faceted romantic message that’s all about inclusion. Oh sure, Sir Mix-A-Lot is no Frank Sinatra, Marvin Gaye or Maxwell, but his message is the same: love and acceptance, bro. Love and acceptance. If you got ‘dat ass.

‘I like ‘em round, and big’ (Accepts her body)
If ever there was a theme song for body acceptance, this is it. At no point is there an admonition or rebuke of her appearance. Instead, he worships her visage at every opportunity.

‘I want ’em real thick and juicy so find that juicy double’ (Compliments her parts)
Like any other man using his tongue to lavish his subject with compliments, Sir Mix-A-Lot spares no efforts to make the urban dictionary sweat trying to keep up with slang-laiden compliments like ‘got it goin’ like a turbo ‘Vette’,’ rump-o-smooth-skin, and ‘Fonda ain’t got a motor in the back of her Honda.’

‘You want a triple X throw down, dial 1-900-MIXALOT and kick them nasty thoughts.’ (Makes it fun)
Protest groups of the time didn’t get the intended nature of the song. But time has revealed how the excessive ribaldry belies its playfulness. Its overt rudeness and crass vocabulary is so overboard because it doesn’t want to be serious while sharing the author’s explicit intentions.

‘Baby Got Back’ is the playful ass-pinch as your girl gets out of the car. It’s that push-her-up-against-the-wall-brief-makeout before walking into the restaurant. It’s the celebration of who we are as sexual animals as we share in each others’ sensual company in both lust and laughter.

‘I like big butts and I can not lie’ (He’s being honest)
Trust is the founding cornerstone of every relationship. Without it, there can be no love, no passionate makeouts, no butt-nekkid sweatin’ in the backseat. No. You build trust with honesty.

‘You say you wanna get in my benz?’ (He has a Benz)
A woman is looking for a man with status, one that can provide for their eventual family. A man that can provide a Mercedes Benz for transport can also afford the over-priced glittery rocks and the expensive, uncomfortable shoes that most every lady’s heart desires. Oh, and baby stuff too.

‘So Cosmo says you’re fat. Well I ain’t down with that.’ (Fuck contemporary beauty standards)
Cosmopolitan magazine knows as much about what a man wants in a woman as Oprah does. A real man wants to dissuade his woman of looking to those kinds of sources for ideas on how to appeal to the fella they want. Instead, listen to his mouth. When he tells you ‘Gimme dat ass’ that’s exactly what the fuck he means. Relish in this truth and enjoy your man’s attentions.

‘Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it. But I’d rather stay and play.’ (Relationship-friendly)
Sex is fun, no doubt. But when layered within the delicate intricacies of a relationship it can be explosively, soul-tinglingly divine. So let’s hit it, baby, because I’m not gonna quit it.

‘So they toss it and leave it. I pull up quick to retrieve it.’ (History? Schmistory.)
Thanks to Tinder and a new attitude of sexual expression Western women are knockin’ boots like their pussies are on fire and only semen will put it out. Sir Mix-A-Lot doesn’t care if a girl has a few notches on her bedpost, all he wants is to get a piece. This is probably the most beautiful aspect of the entire work, to be honest. Passionate understanding, inclusion, enjoyment of shared company…sizzle, sizzle, baby. Sizzle.

‘He had game but he chose to hit ‘em. I pull up quick to get wit ‘em.’ (Despises violence against women)
Hitting women in anger is never cool. Say it to yourself. Repeat it. Good. Back to the romancin’…

‘Some knucklehead tried to diss ‘cause his girls are on my list.’ (emphasis mine) (Prefers you be free to explore your sexuality)
Some guys get bent out of shape when they find out a girl has had a few wild times. This kind of attitude is what contributes to ‘slut-shaming’ and general mysogyny. Frankly, it’s a waste of everyone’s time. If y’all dig each other, then do what comes natural so long as you’re healthy and safe. Do it often.

‘You can do sidebends or situps, but please don’t lose that butt.’ (Promotes healthy living)
Health and wellness ought to be priorities if a long life of lovemaking is to be realized. But don’t run that body so hard it hardens. Naw, baby. Keep the curves.

Everyone of all ages loves the song
From the hood to the suburbs and from grandma to great-grandnephew, asses must move upon hearing this song. When the dj pumps it through the speakers the dance floor packs in like a Japanese bullet train. Google is running out of numbers for the amount of parodies, remakes, satires, mockeries, remixes and imitations of everything.

Now, please enjoy.