Explanation 1: Out of nowhere, over the weekend, a great number of dudes have collectively started laying the dick really well, so good so that women across the America, feeling so nicely boned, have had no choice but to treat their men to meals at Red Lobster.
Explanation 2: Sycophancy
Over the past three days, sales at Red Lobster have exploded, ever since Beyonce name dropped them in her ‘Formation’ video on Saturday. There’s gotta be a reason for it, and while it most likely is the slavish devotees of Bey doing exactly what they think their Queen wants, I’m inclined to give the credit here to dudes, and their fucking skills.
The seafood chain told CNN Money that sales on Sunday spiked 33%, which insane when you remember there was also the Super Bowl that day.
I’ve gotta believe it wasn’t Beyonce fans changing up their afternoon plans on the fly, but rather dudes who stepped up and did such a good job hitting it that there was no choice but to take them to Red Lobster, big game be damned.