Guy Writes A Song About Trusting Your Farts Entitled ‘I Thought I Farted But I Shit,’ Deserves ALL THE GRAMMYS

What makes a good song? The music? The lyrics? The ability for it to relate exactly to your life and cut you at your very core, making you say, like a teenage girl, “This song is SOOOO my life, Becca! It’s like they wrote it about me and Jeremy.” Personally, I find a good song to be a mixture of great music and lyrics, but consider my core absolutely gutted from “I Thought I Farted But I Shit.”

I think I speak on behalf of anyone who has ever trusted a fart and lived to regret it, that this song evokes the memory of those moments IMMEDIATELY. Even before he started to sing, his description of what happened to him brought me back to my grandma’s house when I was an idiot, 7-year-old kid who said, “Here comes a fart!” and then took an ocean-sized liquid shit into his brand new pair of Hanes. I didn’t know any better! My parents never warned me of such things. Which is why 10 minutes after I cleaned myself off and put on another crisp new pair of Hanes finest, I made the mistake of trusting another fart and shit myself again. Harrowing stuff.

Thankfully, I lived an entire lifetime that day. I took my back-to-back pants shits and I learned from them. Never trusted a fart since and (#humblebrag in 3…2…1…) I haven’t shit myself since. But the memory, OH!, the memory of it is still as vivid as the day it happened. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, because it changed the course of my entire life.

Anyway, what a truly beautiful song this is.