An Alarm Clock That Wakes Up You to the Smell of Bacon! Plus 10 Things We Want

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UP Coffee, $Free

It’s 5 p.m. on a Thursday and I’m drinking my fourth cup of coffee. Is this good for me? Probably not! Will it affect my sleep pattern tonight? Probably! But who knows, really.

Well, UP Coffee does. A new app that promises to take the mystery out of the caffeine buzz, UP keeps track of your body’s reaction to coffee and tells you when you’re properly “WIRED” and, conversely, how long it’ll take you to become “SLEEP READY.” Enter your coffee intake for seven days, and UP will (hopefully) tell you (and me) when it’s not necessary to take down the 5 p.m. cup, instead training your body to follow a cycle that’ll result in optimal buzz and optimal sleep.

One condition: the app seems to work best if you follow a schedule. Meaning, if you’re chugging a Monster at midnight during exam week, you probably don’t need your iPhone to tell you that your sleep pattern is fucked.

Wake Up & Smell the Bacon, $TBD

Continuing the bedtime theme, I’ve got a possible #lifehack for ya: trade out your iPhone’s boring “du-du-dem-duddulo-duddulo-dem-da” alarm sound for a smell. That smell being sizzling bacon.

This dream is now possible thanks to an Oscar Meyer-created device which connects to your iPhone and emits a smell of bacon in lieu of an alarm. Currently, you have to apply to receive the device as a “tester,” but true bacon aficionados should be fine with waiting however long is necessary.

Anyway, as marketing ploys go, this one is pretty awesome.

Papa Foxtrot MP7, £22.00

Papa Foxtrot takes the paper airplane to a vastly different level, creating intricately designed  tactical weapons you can mold from paper. There are also boats and spaceships. For the precocious kid in your life.

Adidas Made in March Collection, $65-90

It’s March, there’s Madness, and Adidas just released a new line of jerseys and shorts to celebrate the occasion. The “Made in March” collection features a few new takes on NCAA teams’ old-school looks, including sleeved unis—perfect for the moment when you get too old to rock the sleeveless look to a bar. (That’s age 24, by the way.)

The collection also features some new shoe colorways inspired by teams in the Tournament. Baylor’s is called “Quill.” (Not true, but feel free to steal it.)

Uppd, $Free

Upped is a relatively simple concept: you film your best trick or talent, upload it online, and seek out votes. Then you challenge your bros—or members of the larger community—to one-up each other until someone ends up in a hospital.

Kiddddding. The app seems to function more as the world’s largest talent contest, and for that, it’s piqued our competitive instincts.

Woodford Reserve Kentucky Derby, $44

The Kentucky Derby isn’t for another few weeks, but you can still drink like you’re swilling bourbon at Churchill Downs with Woodford Reserve’s special-edition Derby bottle. It’s the same taste as the classic Woodford blend but with HORSEYS. Look at the horseys. The neck band is inspired by a jockey’s uniform, too, and it looks so nice you won’t want to rip it off.

(That is a lie.)

Play Magnus, Free

I’m going to take a wild guess and say most of our readers aren’t chess grandmasters. For those who do enjoy the game, though, this app is pretty cool: it features tutorials by the world’s best player, Magnus Carlsen, and it allows you to compete against a Carlsen-tuned chess engine. Beginners can play Carlsen at age 6. And probably lose to him at age 6, because chess is a cruel mistress.

Livr App, $TBA

You can only access Livr, the hot new social network, when you’re drunk. This is not a joke: you access Livr via a breathalyzer attached to your phone, and only when you reach an appropriate level of inebriation are you allowed access to the app’s features.

Play “truth or dare” with other users, “drunk dial” other users, or find “hot spots” that show where other smashed Livr users have congregated. (If I have to guess, it will be bars.) The darker the hot spot circle, the more the users have had to drink.

Livr is either spectacularly irresponsible or fucking hilarious—maybe both?—and luckily it comes with a fail-safe option. If your activity on the app gets too out of control, push the app’s “blackout” button, which erases all you did the night before. Good call.

Swimmer by BOOM, $59

Do you see it?

Do you see it now?

Yeah. Anyway, the Swimmer couples its unconventional design with some real audio bonafides: including a compact design, bass-bumping system, and flexible tail that allows you to hook it to any object around. It can also be submerged in water for up to 30 minutes. And yeah, it looks like a sperm.

Under Armour SpeedForm Apollos, $100

I’ve actually worn the SpeedForm Apollos to the gym for the last couple of weeks, and even though I can’t say I’m “faster”—mainly because I’m not really trying—they are the lightest and most comfortable shoes I’ve ever worn. That’s not a paid plug, or any sort of plug. They really just are.

The shoe weighs only 6.5 ounces. According to UA, it’s stitched in a clothing factory, and it features a silicon-grip (for a locked-in fit), and ultrasonic seams (for breathability and support). The Apollo really does feel like putting on a slipper—in a good way—and if you’re in the market for a new running shoe, you can do much worse.