Single life often seems like a challenge to see who can best MacGyver their meager possessions into something functional. Hungry? Just get a paper plate, use that paperclip to make sure that broken toaster holds together and use that stick you found outside for a fork.
But that’s no way to live, bros, and that’s why I’ve compiled this handy guide of gear every single bro should own. Just for you. All you have to do is click through and let us take care of you like mommy and daddy used to.
AROUND THE HOUSE
Look, I know this sounds ridiculous, but too many bros are out there sleeping without decent sheets. But beyond comfort, just think how it looks when you bring a lady home and you’re still rocking those Pokemon sheets. Not good, man. Not good at all. These Mellanni sheets are classic, simple and comfortable. That’s all you need.
Look, man, takeout and pizza supplemented by toaster leavings and hunger is no way to go through life. You need to learn how to cook. If not for yourself, then for those occasions when you promise to make dinner and want to give your girl a better experience than whatever’s stuck to yesterday’s pizza box. This particular cookbook not only teaches you how to make delicious recipes, it explains the science behind them so that you understand how to live a delicious and healthy life.
This is another thing that sounds absurdly basic, but you’d be surprised at the number of bros out there using old sweatshirts to towel off, or those ratty old rag towels he stole from Mom the last time he stopped by the old homestead. This 4-pack of towels is basic, comfortable and big. These are the towels they use in hotels, which is especially important because what is your place if not a hotel for wayward and wanton young ladies?
Candles? Yes, candles. Again, think about this in terms of an investment in the happiness of your penis. Candles are great for setting the mood, and dinner candles are especially great. But you want to stick with basic, unscented candles. Get the wrong scent, and pretty soon she’s asking you why your place smells like a cinnamon whore house. As an added bonus, candles are pretty great for when the power goes out, either due to weather or your need to put off paying the electric bill.
Paper plates and plastic cups are great when it’s just you and you’re sticking to a diet of sandwiches and pizza rolls, but when you do decide to become a grown man, you’ll find that you’re gonna need some dishes, and a set like this is a fine place to start. Simple, basic, this will allow you to both take care of your own needs and have a few friends over without forcing them to eat over the sink.
There’s going to come a point in your life where you need something with both a little more style and a little more oomph than just your phone to play the songs you like – or the songs your date likes. This little beauty combines a classic stereo setup with modern Bluetooth technology so you can still use the playlists on your phone. It’s just now you can also listen to them like an adult. There is also a version available with a turntable if that’s how you roll.
TOOLS AND GEAR
Stealing your girlfriend’s disposable razors for your shaving needs is both shameful and unmanly. And besides, you’re just going to end up sawing half your face off. What you need is a good safety razor. Not only will you get a closer shave, you’ll end up saving a lot of money in the long run. And how can you go wrong with something called VIKINGS BLADE? You can’t, and the five extra blades that come with only help.
Sometimes a man’s just gotta do some work with his hands. You know, the sort of thing your dad was always doing while you were inside jacking it and playing vidya games? Yeah, that. And that means that you need a good, solid pair of work gloves. These Carhartts will protect your precious hands so you can still jack it and play vidya games in comfort, and as an added bonus, they’re waterproof.
Remember what I said about needing to do some work sometimes? Well, you’re gonna need some tools to do that work with, and this 210 piece toolbox set is about as comprehensive as you’re gonna find. It has just about everything you need to deal with all those pesky everyday types of problems. A man without tools is not a man at all, but just a hairy adult boy.
A good Swiss Army knife is an invaluable everyday tool for any man. You never know when you’re going to need to saw through pesky packing tape or uncork a tiny bottle of wine or stab a bear. At the very least, they’re just cool to have.
So now you’ve got the work gloves and the tools, but now you need something a little more advanced. That’s right, you need power tools. Start with this cordless drill, which will allow you to tackle projects too numerous to mention. The man with the drill is the man who holds all the power.
CLOTHES AND ACCESSORIES
There are going to be times in your life, dear friends, where you can’t just stroll in wearing your Jordans. You need a good pair of dress shoes. These Oxfords by Liberty provide a classic stylish look accented with a touch of modern flair, so that you can be classy without being stuffy. Plus, they’re available through Amazon at a discount. That helps too.
Even if you don’t need a tie for everyday use, you’re still going to need one for various important events in your life. Never underestimate the importance and effect of a good tie. This particular tie is 100% silk, and strikes the balance between classic simplicity and modern style. You don’t just want a boring monotone tie, but you also don’t want some obnoxious clown tie, you know? Stick with something like this, and you’re already halfway to victory.
Look, you’re a grown man now and grown men don’t go everywhere in their sneakers. You just look like an overgrown man-child. But you still want something comfortable and easy to slip in and out of. At the same time, you don’t want to be the dude in Crocs, you know? You want to find the perfect balance between style and comfort, and a classic loafer like this fits the bill.
You might have a few decent button-ups in your arsenal, but a true dress shirt is a different animal altogether. And if you’re gonna dress it up, do it right with cuff-links and the whole deal. Ask yourself what your grandpa would do back in the day? He’d be cufflinks all the way and you know it.
If you need to wear a suit every day, then for god’s sake, go to a tailor. But sometimes you just need a jacket, whether it’s for a classyish get-together or just dinner at a nice restaurant. I mean, you don’t want to be the dude who shows up in a sweater and has to borrow a jacket from the restaurant. That happens and you’re immediately a little boy again. Not good. So, you need your own jacket and this classic, stylish jacket is a good way to go.
Sure, you don’t need a watch to tell time when you can just whip out your phone, but a good dress-watch sends a statement that you’re better than that, that you can appreciate both the simpler and finer things in life. Of course, I recognize that you probably don’t have this much money just sitting around for a new watch, so consider something like this, which still looks good – damn good – while still being affordable.
And finally, we come to the thing that defines the grown man in 2016 more than anything else: his toys. Look, you’re just never going to take a man’s toys away from him, even when he grows up. He still needs something to play with, and these days that means either a PlayStation 4 or an Xbox One S, depending on your loyalties.
The PS4 comes bundled with Uncharted 4, while the Xbox One S comes bundled with Battlefield 1. I included both because I didn’t want to leave anyone out. So buy one of them and complete your destiny as a modern man, who knows how to both work and play.
Of course, I’m also here for those of you ready to kick things up a notch, with the Oculus Rift, society’s first step into a bold new world of quality virtual reality. This is the ultimate gaming toy out there right now, and as we all know, the man with the coolest toy is the man who will be king.