Hot Girls Reveal If They’ve Ever Faked An Orgasm And The Oscar Goes To…..

Don’t sweat it bro. They’re not talking about you or I, they’re talking about all those dudes with defective dinkeys. Luckily we have what 50 Cent may call ‘the magic stick,’ or what my doctor may coin ‘herpes.’ I mean, what. What were we talking about again? Oh ya, how chicks have no choice but to orgasm with our meat popsicles. Nearly impossible not to. I don’t know what kind of al-dente penne dicks these chicks have been working with, but if you find out, let me know so I can shake their limp hands and thank them for making me look like a human sybian in comparison.

Real talk though. It’s fucking hard to make a girl orgasm. I can bust with just a few tugs after seeing a seeing a girl in a Phoenix online ad on the subway. Chicks need a full moon, the dew point at a comfortable 68 degrees, John Mayer playing softly in the background, and a dick that actually exceeds four inches. Plus, I’m a smoker so I can only pump like six times without an inhaler. I’m only human.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.